Bouncing Down the Grand Canyon

I tried a new video today. A marathon through the Grand Canyon, whoah! There are six of these videos. The trailhead is at the top and the run goes down, down, down. Some of the path is really narrow with scary drop-offs! It was fun to watch!

Bouncing and Breakthrough

Over the past three years, I've been in a process to gain the hearts of my children. I've been learning to love them sacrificially and the Lord has done a beautiful work in turning our lives around.

I've been comparing my process in learning to love with my process of losing weight.

I haven't really lost any weight recently and am totally stalled in what should be a process of turning my health around. I've spent some time with pen and paper evaluating what the difference is between my two processes.

Last week I got serious about obeying what the Lord has so graciously told me to do in order to lose weight, in order to be free of so much of me, in order to turn my health around. I am very much in process of understanding it, but I know I CAN obey without understanding it all.

I had a huge breakthrough in eating half of dinner a few nights and engaging in putting down my flesh when I felt tempted to eat sugar. He really makes it easy, when I cry out to Him. I find that I've been silencing my conscience in order to indulge my fleshly desires for more food and sugar, denying the fact that's He's already given me instruction...I'm not engaged, not obeying, and of course...not seeing any results toward weight loss.

I keep going back to the basic few things He's told me to do...am I doing them?

Walk: I'm bouncing 20-30 minutes per day and I think I've only missed two days since I started-LOVE IT and feel disappointed when the time is up and I have to stop. What a gift to not have to leave my house to take my walk. I love pulling the trampoline in front of the computer, stretching and bouncing! I'm not doing cardio and I'm not taking my feet off the mat, just bouncing up and down and moving my arms to keep my rhythm. They call that the "health bounce".

Fiber: It is pretty easy for me to eat my 30 grams plus unsweetened almond milk each day. Sometimes I do have this as a late afternoon snack on days when it doesn't get eaten for breakfast. I'm finding that I really like the Silk brand because it is a thicker, more substantial consistency.

Water: I'm doing it! Five water bottles per day (this is REALLY working) as long as I'm at home, I can pretty much get these down every single day. 82 ounces. Daily. Yay!

No Sugar: This means NO SUGAR-daily. I've put some Skinny Chocolate (THM recipe) in the freezer for times I feel I can't live without a sweet. It has zero impact on my system and satisfies when I need some chocolate. I also need to engage in putting down my flesh when I have urges to eat sugar. I realize that I haven't been engaging AT ALL, but now I am...it is making a huge difference.

Salad Daily: I've been doing SO MUCH BETTER eating my salads. I feel great when I do and I LOVE to eat them...once they are assembled! It helps if I start putting my salad together in the morning, tossing in the lettuce so when I get hungry, I can just start tossing stuff in the bowl.

Half of Dinner: I've actually done this for a few days...wow! Thank you Lord, I feel terrific!

Putting all these things together should result in losing weight. :)

Another Way to Track Water Intake

You know, I'm always looking for the thing that works best for me.

I always lose my water bottle around the house. Using a piece of yarn has been the best method for me so far. I've been trading off two bottles for some time and I've wanted to do this very thing with five bottles for awhile. I love the counting backwards and have applied it to this method. I like being able to see all the day's water in one spot. So here we go!

I Keep Bouncing!

I know I'm getting benefit from this! Rebounding boosts the lymphatic system. Very invigorating, I'm loving this!

Rebounding This Morning

I won't give up. I'm going to figure this out. This morning was a breakthrough for me!

We only did the Walk at Home walking a handful of times because it hurt our hips. I was doing some other intense stretching, and tweaked my foot/arch/ankle area. I've been having trouble walking-anywhere. I haven't done any exercise in about two weeks...I feel awful! It is surprising how even my little walks were helping sustain me! I've been feeling lots of real guilt because I haven't been obeying "walk everyday". The Lord has grace for injuries, but I'm able to walk again (though still a spot that is a little sore).

About ten years ago, we purchased a Needak rebounder trampoline. I've never been able to get serious about rebounding because of my rebounding chest (breasts)! Recently, I found a solution to this problem!

This morning, I was asking the Lord what I should do since I haven't been walking (nor dancing, nor Walking at Home). He gave me the idea to wear my "sports bra solution" and get on the rebounder.

IT WORKED!

I put on the dance music and a virtual walk YouTube video and bounced for almost 40 minutes! What a great workout, I feel GREAT! Apparently, I bounced 2.2 miles (3.5km)!!!

I timed myself at 120 "steps" (bounces) per minute, which is a much faster pace than I'd be walking outside. I had total control over what muscles I wanted to use and simply gently bounced and moved my arms as was comfortable (no set routine or movements). When my shins and feet started to hurt a little, I got on my knees to give them a rest! I can't believe I can bounce on my knees! This is AWESOME! I had to put shoes on for arch support. My lymphatic system is happy!

I started not watching the virtual walk...my mind needed something to focus on and it was just the ticket. Can't believe I did 40 minutes.

And I can't wait to do it again.

So I got thinking...is this something John could do with me if we got another trampoline?

I'm thinking I can get up at the same time everyday and do my rebounding exercise AND do it while the kids get ready for lights out. THAT would be some decent exercise!

Along that thought was combining some T-Tapp muscle scrunches, T-Tapp skin brushing system and THM eating plan. I'm not sure about all that, but I KNOW I can do this system of rebounding in the morning, at a minimum. Ah, I feel like I have my exercise back!

Search "walking virtual" for other videos.

Update: While the kids got ready for bed, I did another 30 minutes! I feel fantastic! I can't wait to get up early and do some more! YAY!

My Sports Bra Solution for Obese Woman

I have always had big boobs. Some would call me "a large breasted woman". Having large breasts has always made some exercises (movement!) difficult. Here's a little about my journey to figuring out how to take care of my boobs!

Before I had children, my only bras were underwires, but when I had children and started nursing, the underwires got shoved into the back of the drawer. I think this was the time I ordered my first custom non-underwire bra from Decent Exposures. Though they tell you how to measure yourself properly, I wanted some professional attention. Since I happened to live only a half hour away from their studio, I went in for a fitting.

I finished nursing my children and never went back to the underwire because no matter what I tried, I couldn't get the right fit (even with professional help). The center wires always stick out and poked my little infants/toddlers when I carried them. It was just more comfortable to wear the Decent Exposures bras.

As I gained weight, wearing an underwire became even more uncomfortable. So for years, I lived with the "droopy boob syndrome"...being comfortable but looking really frumpy.

I just didn't want to spend a lot of money on a Wacoal bra, so I bought less expensive bras which often would fall apart. My father-in-law told my mother-in-law to buy me a new Wacoal bra for my birthday one year(!)

She and I went to the department store in search of Wacoals and with her support (hee hee), we sifted through all the offerings and I finally found something that fit me. I did have to buy a back strap extender so it would go around my rib cage. I was relieved to find SOMETHING that worked...it covered me, gave me great support and didn't poke me. Of course, being short, the front wires still showed through my shirt, but I was still happy.

I've taken very good care of these bras. I wear my non-underwire on a daily basis at this time (for the comfort factor), but when I go out anywhere, I put on a good bra.

In preparation for an "outing" recently, I wanted to wear a white shirt and was wanting to smooth the appearance of the wires poking through, so I put my Decent Exposures bra OVER my Wacoal bra.

(jaw drops)

My boobs were in a straitjacket! I could still breath and move and my boobs were fixed! I couldn't believe the support I was getting from wearing these two bras together! Why hadn't I considered this before!?!?

Over the years, I've considered rebounding, but every time I started bouncing, I remembered why I couldn't do it as exercise...my boobs rebounded, too! The past week, I've been thinking about rebounding again...and with my sports bra solution, it is possible! Hooray!

Three Miles Today

Oh, here's a doozy! Here we are in front of my desk, watching Leslie Sansone do the easy one mile beginner walk on YouTube.  The past couple nights we've been walking a mile together. We even held hands a little! Love being able to exercise with my honey...we are doing something we've NEVER done before, this is exciting! And totally sustainable!

Oh my word, I did a brisk two mile walk video earlier today-it killed me! It was really hard! But I'm feeling kinda challenged to see what it will take to get me to a point where it's easy peasy...I walked THREE miles today! I feel so energized!

This is the tough two mile:
http://youtu.be/0cE1jxDS3HY

Two Miles This Morning

This morning, I got out of bed, put on my shoes and walked two miles right in front of my desk!

This one mile video link has better sound than the one listed below:
http://youtu.be/ykPr0t2KutY

For my second mile I did the brisk/fast walk:
http://youtu.be/A-i-3Isbk4A

I found a great deal on three DVDs on eBay for only $10...includes the mini-walks, 3 mile and 5 mile walks. I wonder if I'll be bored on the longer walks...I'm a little bored with the short one...we'll see.

I also did one set of T-Tapp's Primary Back Stretch and did it much better than yesterday.

What a great start to my day! I'm already looking forward to the one mile walk with John tonight...making three miles for the day! Whooohoooo!

UPDATE: We did not do our evening walk, I only did two miles today. :)

October 2013 Begin Again

I feel like I'm starting over. The past month or so, I've been floating along and have neglected drinking water, walking and generally doing what I need to do for my health.

In wanting to start some exercise, I decided to take some good before pictures with measurements. I think these photos look pretty good, I was hoping to take some photos that REALLY showed off my curves (ha ha) but for around 220lbs, this could be worse.

It doesn't really matter that I'm starting over or beginning again, what matters is that I KEEP GOING and I'm doing just that!

Thank you to my daughter for taking the photos!

My Walk at HOME and T-Tapp

As the days have gotten darker, colder and wetter, I haven't been walking. When school started, the roads got busy again. Somehow in the spring it wasn't as much of an issue, it seemed different. But this fall weather is really discouraging me in my walk. At the old house, I simply walked out the front door rain or shine. At the new house, I have to drive to my walk and I don't like it one bit.

I had a revelation the other day...I can walk INSIDE!

Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home is my answer! Why didn't I think of this before!?

I walked a mile today...all in 20 minutes and without leaving home-yay! This is the free one mile YouTube video I did today:
http://youtu.be/df2gn6-w0dE

I like that I did one mile and did it a lot faster with more impact than my walks outside. Each step stimulates the lymphatic system and this was way better than my half mile meandering stroll I've been taking recently. I find it difficult to find a brisk pace, so I think I don't push myself as hard as I should on my outdoor walks. I also like that it will be easy to "track" my improvement by changing up to longer distances. And if it turns out I only have a half hour, I can choose the right walk to fit my time constraints. I'm excited about doing this WITH my husband, too! No mental prep. No special clothes. Any time of day (or night)! Easy!

I also started the T-Tapp video Instructional #1. I did one Primary Back Stretch (yeeps, get those elbows back!) and I have a long way to go, but that's what I could manage today. I really think the T-Tapp is my answer to "Get Strong"!

A Reverse Journey

The only reason I'm posting today is so I have one post for my September archives. That is SO lame!

For the past month, I haven't been engaged at all with my weight loss process. I haven't binged out like I used to, but I just haven't...cared.

How can I not care!? Sometimes when I'm stuck, I come to my blog for inspiration. But I feel SO completely UNinspired.

I feel discouraged. I don't know if I'll ever eat another salad again. I feel that bad. I don't have any vision for even wanting to re-engage.

I'm not sure what to do. I can't go back, though if I don't move forward, moving back is inevitable. Maybe that's happening even now.

So what can I do to move myself forward?

I think I got a little twisted up with THM. I was feeling like if I couldn't do it 90%+ then why bother. That's kinda silly, though. I've had this idea that I get "one" shot at weight loss and I haven't wanted to engage because I don't know if it is going to be "it". This is wrong thinking. I have this weird idea. I don't want to keep my metabolism bouncing up and down. The way I think it should work is to be fat and then start a process of weight loss...not just hang around here and there losing the same five pounds. I need to turn away from this wrong thinking.

What is the right thinking?

The right thinking is obeying the Lord. Ah, how did I get away from THAT!? Duh.

(Praying)

OK, that was good!

I need to go back to the number one thing. I've done this before, and that's OK. With my very next step, I can be back on the path of righteousness again. And that path has to do with obedience to what the Lord has revealed to me.

Morning walk...Lord, what do I do? It is cold and dark and wet. I hate driving five minutes to my walk. I hate my walk. It is pretty boring. I used to challenge myself with more and more. I don't feel like I have time to extend my walks. My walk tastes like stale goldfish crackers. Blah. What can I do? I need the benefits of walking (even the short distance I've been doing). What now?

I ordered T-Tapp a couple weeks ago. I could do that instead of walking (since You said dancing was OK). I could take the walking back up in January. I seem to have trouble with the walks in October and December especially. I watched the first video last week. Need to know what I'm getting into, ha hahhaha!

OK. So tomorrow morning, up for T-Tapp. That would be obedience. Let's reverse this reverse journey!

Huh

Well...this is...interesting.

I've been having a lot of fun collecting data daily. No pressure. I'm just documenting these things:

-time in bed at night
-time out of bed morning
-did I walk?
-did I eat Fiber One?
-did I have 10 glasses (80oz) water?
-did I eat my daily salad?

I happen to weigh myself on July 15th, just so I could collect data. The scale read: 225.8

When I woke this morning, I wanted to weigh myself, just to collect data. I honestly did not expect any weight loss.

218.0

WHAT?

That's almost 8 pounds in one month. Seriously?

I'm OK with it. I feel terrific. I've been walking and I started eating breakfast Trim Healthy Mama style and adjusted my salad to be "S" by removing the garbanzo beans and sesame stix. I've added coconut oil to my diet and THM's "Skinny Chocolate". I'm working on our dinner fare.

All I can say is "interesting".

Breakfast System

I think I have a breakfast system (for now).

I'm allowing Fiber One and my omelet as an "E" meal. I don't know if Fiber One is really "on plan", but I don't care. It is on MY PLAN. :)

So this sweet little omelet is really FUN to make!

This is what I'm doing now...

-smidge of coconut oil in the pan
-tiny chunks of fresh broccoli, like 1/4 cup
-bit of jarred garlic
-salt & pepper (I use Montreal Steak seasoning)
-120g egg whites (I really don't need to weigh it, but for now I like having the separate bowl to use as a spatula-rest!)
-1/2 roma tomato (Really liking the bit of tomato (I over-bought on the romas for two weeks)! Could use 1T of salsa when I don't buy romas)
-maybe 2T 1/3 fat cream cheese, I just take a butter knife and scoop out maybe 5 little bits
-few leaves fresh baby spinach

YUMMO! Then I have a side of 30g of Fiber One with some unsweetened coconut milk (which I no longer measure) with a couple raspberries or blueberries!

I can switch up the omelet as needed to keep things interesting...low-fat Laughing Cow cheese, other veggies...if I want to turn it into an "S" meal, I'd toss in avocado and use whole eggs and maybe some slivers of salami.

But I eat "S" for lunch, so doing "E" for breakfast seems like a good idea so I'm not overeating on the fats (any more than I am)! And I really enjoy eating my salad as a satisfying "S" mid-afternoon, so I'll keep it that way for now.

I have to say, I get hungry pretty quick since I'm not eating the whole egg, though. That's OK, I'm still working with this. I think "E" meals are just that way.

When I arise at 6am, I've been eating a half of avocado before my walk. Then at 9am, eating the "E" meal, then around 1ish, eating the "S" salad which totally takes me through to dinner, especially if Skinny Chocolate was consumed for dessert!

Dinners are still up in the air.

Grocery Shopping

Once a week, my family goes grocery shopping. We start at Costco, eat dinner at the food court, shop, drive through the gas station that is between Costco and Fred Meyer and fill up the tank, then we finish shopping at Fred Meyer.

I LOVE this routine! I love having a break from cooking dinner on these nights, too.

So............the Costco food court isn't exactly.........healthy. It's CHEAP, but not particularly healthy.

What to do?

Our Costco is serving a new BBQ brisket sandwich...I asked to see the nutrition info on it (YEEPS!!!!!!) I think it is 73 carbs! It is a "trial item" so I don't know how long it will be around. But I've figured out if I don't eat the bun, I would guess that removes about half the carbs...and it still satisfies.

Instead of eating it "burger style" with my hands holding the bun and the beef oozing everywhere making a mess, I just take the buns off and eat it with a fork! It comes with a little coleslaw for crunch and I'm pretty sure it is full of sugar, because it is deliciously sweet. VERY satisfying!

So for now, that's what I'm doing for grocery nights (instead of pizza)!

(Most of the flowers on my blog are found on my morning walks...isn't this lily amazing!?)

It's Time

(photo taken before my walk this morning-6am sunrise!!!)

The past week, I've been in weight loss crisis.

I've been honest with myself. Nothing is happening because I'm not doing anything. I don't want to float along anymore. I've been comparing my weight loss journey to the personal/spiritual growth I've experienced over the past three years. I did a lot of things right in that process to move my life forward with the Lord. It seems like I'm NOT doing those good things in this process. I find it so interesting that the Lord gave me the steps AHEAD of time. Not so in my other process, it was always "per the moment", I never had revelation ahead of time. Virtually all of this process has been revealed and I've been practicing. Interesting.

I want to change that...NOW.

I'm DONE. It is "do it or quit". I can't just keep being willy-nilly. I'm making a list for myself WHY I want to lose weight. Hoping this will help motivate me as I'm expecting to enter into a 12 month serious effort to lose weight. I know what to do. I need to do it.

So I've been digging in the past few days to try to figure out what to do next.

I went back to the beginning.

The first thing the Lord told me was to WALK. I've done a great job obeying in this! But I'm lacking consistency, so I took a look at that evaluating what needs to happen there.

Since I can't walk if I'm snuggling in my sheets, the reality is...I must get out of bed in the morning. I've been sleeping in lately! I decided I need 30 days to get focused and getting up in the morning is on that list. I've been collecting data (for some reason when I "track" myself, I go nuts, so this is "collecting data" where there's no expectation, just get the numbers). There really IS a correlation between when I go to sleep and when I wake up! Early to bed, early to rise...

I did some searching online and found this little tidbit of info which recommends PRACTICING getting out of bed! During the day, get in bed, set the alarm to go off and GET OUT OF BED without hitting the snooze button. I'm trying to be in the sheets by 10:30pm and get up with NO snooze at 6am. Tomorrow will be Day 3...I am astonished that I haven't used the snooze like I was before!

The next thing, sugar. That is a hot topic. Today I stumbled onto a site that got me really pumped up and helped me identify in my MIND why I need to obey NO SUGAR even more.
Next thing, fiber. Done. I have Fiber One and lots of veggies in my salad everyday.
Next thing, water. Oooooh, water. Yes, I've been trying to drink 10 glasses for like a year! So let's do this thing! YESTERDAY was fantastic! I've finally figured it out! So easy to do this everyday! Done.

Next thing, get up earlier. Doing it!
Next thing, this is where I got a Shake Weight and started counting calories to see where I'm at.
Next thing, GET STRONG. This involves additional exercise beyond my morning walk. This is on the back-burner for right now while I get strong in my other disciplines.
Next thing, eat half of dinner. Eat LESS dinner. This area is causing a crisis. I'm really finding it nearly impossible to eat less dinner. Dinner is always something I like (since I'm the cook). My husband wants me to nix the yummy recipes and cook healthier. I wonder if I could eat half of a healthy meal?! This entire area is being rocked. So this area needs some attention.

Next thing, eat one salad a day. This has been amazing! I've spent the past 18 months having a salad for lunch everyday. Delicious! I'm getting really tired of making it, though...but I still like eating it! Trim Healthy Mama has caused me to take a look at my lunch. This is soooo good! I want my salad to be an "S" meal, so that means low carbs and higher fat. I've adjusted my recipe to include salmon for awhile, such a welcome change! And no beans, no sesame stix. I just can't live without the few dried cranberries, so those get tossed in even though they really aren't on plan. But we're talking a few carbs, which if I have the balsamic dressing, we're still really close.
SO...
to explain, no...to sum up:
-Walk Daily
-Abstain from Refined Sugar
-Drink 10 glasses of water daily
-Get Up Earlier
-Get Strong
-Eat half dinner
-Eat One Salad a Day

That's it. This is what I'm supposed to do. The rest of my time (one year or so) has been trying to get serious to do it all together (and we moved, which has played a part in this timeframe).

Now Trim Healthy Mama has come across my path. It is forcing a crisis that I have to figure out. What am I going to do with this information?

Today was good. I made some decisions and during this 30 days I'm going to make even more. What do I want after the 30 days?
-to have walked a good portion of those days
-to master drinking the water
-to be getting up at 6am
-to deal a death blow to sugar and have a breakthrough
-develop a system for eating less (and healthier) at dinner
-solidify my breakfast and lunches according to THM principles (one fuel only per meal, either fats or carbs, but not both together...this is not really a burden once I figure it out)

I have some goals for my family, one is to eradicate all soda consumption. Regular and diet soda are both death. I'm going to switch it out for Zevia...at least the kids. John will have to let that go on his own when he's ready.

Excited for tomorrow...better head to bed.

I've GOT IT!

Funny this has taken 18 MONTHS, but I've FINALLY figured it out. As a result of digging into what the Lord has told me, I needed to have success in the water category.

He's been telling me ten glasses. Ten. Non-negotiable. How much is ten glasses of water?

If a typical glass is 8 ounces...then ten of those would be 80 ounces. Eighty? That's not too much. I was thinking my 14oz glasses and having ten of those...which would be 140oz (nearly a gallon).

80. Huh.

That seems doable. I can do that if I use water bottles instead of my glasses.

Five 16.9oz water bottles covers the "ten glasses" (84.5oz to be exact).

So HOW?

Yesterday I tried filling a water pitcher, but it didn't all fit. And I don't like it sitting out all day...I want to be able to see how far I am throughout the day so I'm looking for a visual.

This morning, I wrote on my freshly cleaned whiteboard. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (bottles). And then, instead of crossing off the "1" and going UP, I crossed out the "5" and counted DOWN! The first two bottles are easy...I can do that without thinking. When I filled up for the third time, I crossed off the THREE...and THAT was awesome, because all I had left were the "1" and "2", which for some weird reason, felt LESS than if I had the "4" and "5" (!)

OH, in addition, I always lose my water bottle at home. It gets mixed up with all the other half full bottles, so I put a red rubber band on it. THERE.

Anyways, by 7pm, I had done it! WHOOHOOOO! I'm hydrated! Can't wait to do it again tomorrow! Yipppppeeeeee!

Salad Update

Ah! This new salad is AWESOME! It is SO FILLING and SO EASY!

60g lettuce
20g spinach
85g wild caught Alaskan salmon (often fresh!)
1/2 avocado
30g red pepper
12g red onion
1" slice cucumber
stalk of celery
3 sliced snap pea pods
1 hard boiled egg
10g sunflower seeds
just a few (5g) craisins
Newman's Own Lite Balsamic about 35g

This is really getting fun! I'm trying my hand at not weighing the sunflower seeds, craisins, red onion and red pepper. I've been trying to see how many "finger-fulls" it takes per portion. I've really spent the past 18 months learning about portions. I'm so grateful I've taken so much time crunching calories on my spreadsheets, because it has given me a whole new paradigm for portion sizes.

I haven't done the spreadsheet on this salad, but I don't feel like I really need to...I want to get away from relying on the scale and the calorie sheets, so this is a step toward that. I know it is right in where I need to be...maybe out of curiosity I'll do the sheet, we'll see.

On the salmon...I can buy a fresh filet at the deli, cook it up and get about four servings (from a $10 piece of salmon). I don't miss the sesame stix nor the garbanzo beans, which is SHOCKING. All the fat in the avocado, egg and salmon make this "S", so often I'll have a few small pieces of Skinny Chocolate* after my salad if I feel a sweet craving.

When I don't have a salmon slab, I grab my pre-prepared frozen chicken baggie for a substitute. Right now I'm loving the salmon, though.

I love my "new" salad!

*A note about "Skinny Chocolate"...the ingredients include:
-cocoa
-coconut oil (extra virgin, cold pressed)
-truvia
I CAN eat this! "Avoid obvious sugars" doesn't apply to this, because there's no blood sugar spiking SUGAR! Hooray! Though a bit on the bitter side, it totally satisfies! And a little skringe of peanut butter is heavenly! The last batch I made included chopped peanuts and unsweetened shredded coconut-YUM!

THM Day 1

The next (many) posts are going to be really boring...just me talking about what I'm eating.

It amazes me how far I've really come since I started this blog. I used to C R A V E sugar and carbs. I no longer drink cow's milk, rarely drink soda, don't eat chocolate like EVERY day, very rarely eat bread at all and I eat a ton more vegetables!

I started THM meals today! Just breakfasts this week, but I am quickly seeing how easy it will be to incorporate the plan with my salad. I'm just plain tired of making my salad, so I'm going to switch things up a bit.

This morning:
tiny smear of coconut oil (my new favorite food!)
egg whites
wedge 1/3 fat laughing cow cheese swiss
broccoli
spinach
garlic, salt & pepper

What a delicious breakfast! I think it is a Fuel Pull, when I thought I was going for E. So much to learn. So I added Fiber One to the meal for E.

Lunch I did some fancy footwork with my salad recipe, but I was counting the carbs from the veggies, so it wasn't satisfying at all, very low carb. I was really hungry after eating it and had a bit of Skinny Chocolate. Still hungry, so the 1/2C of 2% cottage cheese and a few raspberries finally took the edge off. I have a long way to go to figure this out!

Tonight I'm making my husband's favorite "lean and green" meal Dijon Chicken Broccoli, which happens to qualify as a Fuel Pull as well, unless in a sweet potato or something for the carb (maybe cheesy cauliflower)! I might just have a big plate of it and call it good. Fred Meyer was OUT of bulk quinoa, I wanted to come home with some.

(This photo almost doesn't look real! These sweeties were on my walk, I've been waiting a long time for them to bloom!)

What If?

As I've continued reading Thin Healthy Mama (tons and tons of recipes, fantastic!), I'm wondering...

WHAT IF?:
-I'm setting myself for a "diet" that I will eventually fail at (I don't want to do a diet!)
-this doesn't work for me
-what if I buy some of these new ingredients and don't like them
-what if I just don't like the plan and waste a bunch of time and money
-what if I'm veering away from my Spirit-led goal...is the Spirit leading me to do this?

I have a tendency to play devil's advocate with myself sometimes, just to "test" myself.

How else would the Lord lead me to something like this? He'd send a friend or a link or something! I think I owe it to myself to TRY IT and give it 100%, because if this really is the blessing it appears to be from the Lord, I wouldn't want to not embrace it.

I been making my old "fatty" recipes and my husband recently asked me to cook more healthy. I made a switch to healthier recipes last year and then slid back to my comfortable recipes. I just couldn't get up the gumption to go back to (what I felt were) "boring" healthy recipes. I haven't known what to do for dinners...this really could be a good thing to help me in that direction.

I'm going to give it all a try. There is a steep learning curve. I need to encourage myself that I know more today about it than I did yesterday...so keep going.

We grocery shop tomorrow, I'm going to try a few recipes for dinners and see how that goes. I'm dreadfully bored with making my 15 ingredient salad, it might be nice to take a little break from it and do something else.

Lord, how does all this fit into what you've been telling me to do? Do I adopt this eating plan (hoping it a permanent change)? Do I eat my same breakfast? Salad? Do I just do this for dinners? Or drop what I've been doing and jump into their plan?

I'm so amazed at how much I agree with everything they are saying. It's like it is just taking what I've been doing to the next level. Maybe this is just the next step. I don't want to give glory to a "diet program" when I lose weight. This has been a process, maybe this book is simply a tool. Wondering how to get started when I feel so ignorant at this point. More time reading?

Trim Healthy Mama Post 1

(photo credit Trim Healthy Mama)

Yesterday, my friend Lara I. visited and shared with me this 600+ page book called Trim Healthy Mama. I purchased the ebook formats in PDF (.pdf), Kindle (.mobi), other reader (.epub) versions here for only $19.95. I quickly realized that I will want the actual paperback book, so I ordered that, too. I started reading it last night after she left and then again this morning.

 

I'm actually REALLY EXCITED about this.

 

I've done food combining in the past, but as I read, I realize all that they are saying is information I've been collecting over the past few years...like understanding:

-insulin resistance

-that spiking blood sugar is actually what makes us fat

-the need for healthy fats

-eggs are GOOD for you!

-butter is not evil!

-animal protein is not evil!

There are lots of people who think animal protein (MEAT), dairy and many other things aren't meant for human consumption, but I've always disagreed on a basic level. Of course, people are allergic to foods, that's not what I mean. And of course, the quality and source of meats and dairy makes a big difference.

 

I also think this is going to be highly sustainable for me. One of the reasons this is even possible is because of all the veggies I've been eating since last year. I've completely broken off the sugar addiction I used to experience every single day. (I used to eat chocolate every day for years). I've been eating the same breakfast for virtually 18 months (and I would welcome some healthful variety)! I guess all the things the Lord has been telling me to do have led up to this (including learning how to plan and prepare meals for my family over the past two years)! I'm READY for this, it won't be too many changes at once!

 

What I didn't realize is that eating healthy fats with carbs produces weight gain. I'm speaking about all of this apart from calories consumption. ANYTHING is going to put on the pounds if too many calories are consumed. You can never get away from the numbers, portions must be a limiting factor...and I would contend that if I overate on their plan, I'd gain weight (I would assume that they'd be in agreement). So they separate meals as "healthy fat-based" and "carb-based", but each meal has a protein anchor.

 

I'm starting to feel like the Lord provided my friend, particularly on yesterday's day of surrender, to bring me what I need! I'm going to keep reading and figure out what I need to do. There's a great review of the book here and a "getting started" PDF here. I'm aiming at starting in the next two weeks.

 

When Am I Going to Surrender?

I've been tracking a few things for a couple weeks. Not tracking "critically", but just to collect the data. What time I go to bed and get up, when I start and stop my walk. Did I eat my salad? Did I walk? This is helping me be honest with myself. It is also inspiring me back to a steady routine of walking. I cut back my distance (which takes longer) so I can easily get back home before my husband leaves for work. Even though I'm walking a short distance, I'm DOING IT!

I don't want to take another year to obey and surrender. It's been a year since the Lord told me what I needed to do. I've done everything BUT "eat half of dinner". I really DO want to do this, to get healthy and lose weight and be FREE of the strong hold food has over me. I'm done. I don't want to resist ANY MORE. I can see when I eat half of dinner, I'll be in that 1200 calorie range, and that is where I want to be to lose weight.

I've been trying to "think" my way into this, which is not the way I've gained victory in other areas! I need to SURRENDER, yield...I know what to do.

Thesaurus.com : abandonment, abdication, acquiescence, appeasement, capitulation, cessation, dedition, delivery, giving way, relenting, relinquishment, renunciation, submission, succumbing, white flag, yielding

I personally like the word "abandonment" and "yielding". I want to throw myself on the Lord and abandon myself to His Love. The word involves willingness to give it up. I give it up, Lord. Not in "give up" as in stop trying, but "give up" as in yielding my perceived right to control it.

I'm going to stop skimming the surface, I'm digging deeper into my attitudes about surrendering. I've surrendered in other areas, so I know what it looks like and I know what victory looks like, too. So I was making comparisons to my process of winning my kids' hearts...I know what to do! This encourages me.

This morning on my walk I realized I've been lying to myself. I was thinking about eating half. That's it. That's where I am. I'm SO CLOSE. I need to push through, so what's stopping me?

One thing I believe is that I don't have control. I was just posting on a Facebook group I'm a member of that very thing, I DO have control over my faculties. I CAN STOP.

So my first step starting NOW (with regards to eating half of dinner) is to STOP at half. And then deal with the fallout of that by processing with the Lord and crying out to Him for help in the moment. I have control over my faculties to DO THAT. I'm going to DO IT. I'm going to STOP at half.

TODAY'S PRINCIPLE IS: I have control over my faculties. I don't want to lie to myself anymore that I can't stop. The truth is (was) I won't stop...and that is going to go. I will exercise control by STOPPING at half. Thank you Lord.

BEGINNING AGAIN

I've decided to "begin again" instead of resisting the Lord.

I like to track myself with certain things, so I'm going to do that again. I'm going to weigh myself everyday just for the data aspect of it and the ease of doing it with my shoes on after my walk. I'm going to do the things He has for me to do.

I set my alarm for 6am and got out the door to walk at 7am. Not too bad considering I've been sleeping in a lot. The higher desire got me out of bed.

I'm excited to make my salad today and obey what the Lord has put in front of me! I'm going to start tagging these future posts with "2013".

UPDATE: The Lord provided a friend who inspired me today. She was explaining how she calculates how much she can have for dinner (before she loads her plate) and how she is taking puny servings and how she hasn't adjusted to these smaller portions yet. As she's continued, her stomach is smaller so she feels more full. This really inspired me today, thank you Lord!

(photo was a collaboration of several friends, thank you!)

Joining Forces

More and more I've been thinking that my husband and I need to join forces. This morning we had a discussion about the strong hold food has in both our lives. Each of us really needs to lose 100 pounds and we discussed what that might look like.

I've been making green smoothies for him since January. He has one every morning and loves it. He didn't used to eat breakfast at all, so I consider it a good step on several levels.

But I'm not surrendered about eating. The past couple weeks, I've not governed myself really at all, eating whatever I want. My pants feel tight and I'm nervous about getting on the scale.

This process does not have to take forever. I need to really make a decision and decide if I'm going to surrender or not.

Get Up and Go

I haven't been serious the past couple weeks. The good thing is I can begin again today. Took a walk and I can tell I'm a little creaky, no surprise, I ate a lot of sugar on our vacation. Did a little dancing this morning, too, if you count 2 1/2 minutes, which I do! Eager to "get up and go" walking this week. Today was a good start.

Agony Brings Discovery

I haven't walked in quite awhile. This morning was agony on so many levels.

Then something occurred to me...

It is SO DIFFICULT to start and stop...this is such a pattern for me...being consistently "inconsistent". Life would just be a whole lot better if I just WALKED EVERY MORNING, why do I see each day as "optional", anyways? The effort of deciding is making me weary.

Why not just GET UP EVERY MORNING at the same time!? AND WALK!?

Today the path of righteousness is right at my feet, I choose to step into Your steps, Lord, and follow You. I don't want my ways, they only reap death, You bring life.

Thank you Lord for being near to me this morning and showering me with your love and mercy. You are the source of life and giver of all good things...I want only You!

Release From Walking, Start Dancing

Hello Trachycarpus fortunei (Windmill Palm)...gorgeous!

I haven't had a salad in awhile, but today is the day.

I've been eating some things I haven't had in a looooong time. Very interesting, I don't feel super gross like I did in the past when I ate high carb foods. I think I've increased my health to a degree!

But

I don't want to settle for a degree, I want to SHRINK and be truly healthy!

I know now to stay away from tracking myself! Being Spirit-led is about living moment-by-moment, so I can leave those charts behind (unless otherwise directed)!

This morning, I sensed the Lord telling me that if I do the dancing, the walk isn't necessary, because doing both has been challenging. OK! That gives me some freedom in what to do. The dancing is AWESOME and is an incredible workout. Just finished 40 minutes. At about 37 minutes, it's like I get a second wind! I could keep going! I feel great and ready for a salad, despite the frozen mac & cheese and homemade brownies that are floating around here.

Fight of My Life

...to walk this morning!

Well, I don't know why this is so, but every time I "track" myself, it turns out to be a disaster! So NO more tracking!

The tracking leaves me with trying to "fill in all the boxes" which is sort of a scarcity mentality. But when I simply do my day, it is like I'm "collecting" activities, which for some reason, is better.

So...I'm eager to start walking and dancing again! I did one mile this morning. :)

Two Week Tracking Day 6

I'm so off!

Two Week Tracking Day 5

I'm just so mad at myself for staying up all night. It throws me off for a couple days. I didn't have a great day.

Two Week Tracking Day 4

Uh, today was really a bust. I visited my Mom all day, helping her with gardening tasks, and the day just wasn't my own. I didn't take my walk or dance because we had to leave early, but I did get lots of exercise, it was much easier to help her since I've been moving more! She made a salad for lunch along with a piece of pizza, but later on I got hungry. We had an ice cream "drumstick" around 5pm and then for dinner I had leftovers at home. There were TWO iced caramel mochas involved in the evening as well and some binging...I seem to have trouble with that when I become hungry...hmmmm.

Two Week Tracking Day 3

I did my walk and dancing again today-what a workout! It feels REALLY good to move!

We were out all afternoon running errands and ended up eating out, which was pretty much a disaster.

The foods I have the least control with are taco salad, cheesy chicken casserole and pizza. We had taco salad on Friday night and chicken casserole is scheduled for tomorrow night. Hmmmm.

On this morning's walk, I got thinking about the beef burritos coming tomorrow...honestly, I usually eat two burritos and heaps of rice. If I ate one burrito and one heap of rice, that would be good. I could take that amount and split it onto two plates, then I could feel like I had seconds. I might try that...

Two Week Tracking Day 2

Day 2 success! Almost all my water (it is difficult to drink and keep track of water while visiting friends), I ate three homemade cookies before I realized I should have had one or none, had my salad for dinner and ate a reasonable amount for lunch at friend's (cheese tortilla and broccoli salad) and DANCED!

This morning (Friday), I'm dragging. I trudged through a one mile walk in the rain with my earbuds popping out of my ears periodically. I'll my dance routine, though, because I'm really curious to see how it helps me and it is DOABLE cardio!

I'm also ready to get on the scale and start tracking that again since I'm expecting some weight loss. I can tell I feel better, any day without sugar is a good day and I've had several. Looking forward to a cozy, gray and rainy day with my kids.

Two Week Tracking Day 1

Yay, Day 1. Drank all my water, kept calories in check, walked and danced (!) for exercise AND I ate pizza for dinner!

This morning I'm tired, but looking forward to dancing soon.

WHOAH I Think I'm Onto Something!

After I wrote my last post about an hour ago, I posted this:

I've been searching online for exercises that I can do...I don't want to spend any money because after DDP Yoga that I'm not doing, I don't want to spend more money. I also recently bought a Praise Moves DVD, so I'm down about $90 so far. What can I do for free?

So the other day I found a site where the woman lost over 150lbs and she was able to do Les Mills Pump Workout at over 250lbs! So I've been looking at it, but I'm going to hold off for now because it is about $180 and comes with a barbell (more stuff).

I've been playing with the idea of dancing...I love dancing. So I've been looking at YouTube (as you know) but it just doesn't grip me. This morning I thought, "Oh, I better do five minutes of that dance video".

I didn't want to be bored, so I went off on my own, and what a trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

I put together a playlist of some of my favorite "bouncy" tunes the other day. This morning I let it roll. I AM SWEATING and breathing and MOVING!

Here's what I did:
4:08 50 Ways to Say Goodbye by Train
2:53 Let's Dance by Vanessa Hudgens
2:43 Something That I Want by Grace Potter
3:35 Sexy Vampire by Fright Ranger
2:46 The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
3:00 Little Beggarman by Great Big Sea
4:21 Ashes by Embrace
7:35 Let's Go Crazy (Special Dance Mix) by Prince
3:01 I Want Candy (featuring Cody Simpson) by Hop
2:05 Dance With Me Tonight from "That Thing You Do" soundtrack
3:38 I Refuse by Josh Wilson

That's 40 minutes of exercise! WHAT?! I didn't want to stop! What is THAT all about! Did I say I'm sweating and moving and breathing-that means I'm BURNING CALORIES people!!!! At over 200lbs, just moving is a workout.

AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to do it again...maybe I'll do it tonight! What? Wanting to sweat and move and breathe and exercise twice a day for 40 minutes!??! HUH?

I took a video of myself because I want to remember my limited range of motion because I won't remember any of this when I get healthy...so here's a doozy, including big fat tummy! Lovely.

Stay tuned to see if this dancing thing sticks!

Right Where I Am

I didn't want to get up this morning, but that's nothing new. Once on the path, I was soooo glad I got up. It was about 52, cool and sunny with beautiful cloud patterns. On Friday, this lilac was near the end, I didn't have my camera when it was in full glory, the color and scent are fading. This morning the blossoms were 30% brown and shriveled, sigh.

I haven't been eating salads, haven't been doing the things I need to do. I've noticed the past two days, I've felt like I needed a nap in the afternoon. I've wandered from what the Lord is telling me to do.

Lord, I repent! I want your ways, not my ways. I want to give attention to my health and I know You want to work here.

For the next two weeks, I'm going to evaluate where I'm at...am I really walking most days? Am I drinking water? So I'll post today's info on tomorrow's post. I'm going to label the posts from May 16 to May 30: "Two Week Tracking".

I really want to do be done with this fat. The only way to do that is actually stay in my process and take it one thing at a time. I've been consumed with "getting back to my life" since we moved, but the Lord spoke to me recently that I wasn't "getting BACK", I needed to start again and move FORWARD from here. So this is a good place to start again, right where I am.

Daily Calorie Sheet Updated

I updated my daily calorie tracking sheet to include fiber and sugars. I think it is helpful to know both.

Here’s the Excel spreadsheet and PDF if you want one. I designed it to go into a 3-ring binder.
pdf: daily_calorie_tracking_sheet
excel spreadsheet: daily_calorie_tracking_sheet

links pdf:
http://spiritledweightloss.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/daily_calorie_tracking_sheet_may2013.pdf
links spreadsheet: http://spiritledweightloss.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/daily_calorie_tracking_sheet_may2013.xlsx

It Was a Dark and...

I got up again this morning! I'm walking consistently again! YAY!

A little after 7 o'clock this morning, the street lights were still on...it felt dark compared to yesterday's sun! I'm walked about .75 miles this morning, which is about half of what I'd like to be doing, but I'm thrilled to be getting out of bed again!

The Path

My son accompanied me this morning! That's my favorite! He hasn't ventured out with me since we moved and I had to do a lot of inviting, but he finally succumbed! Next time I ask, I'm hoping he'll come without too much persuasion since now he knows it is harmless.

I start my walk in an established neighborhood. Along the way, I transition into a newer neighborhood. This path is where the two meet. I've been wanting to walk down to the end and today was the day! It was OK, I don't know that I'd do it alone, it feels kinda isolated and I don't like that feeling, but it was nice to explore nonetheless.

Can You Swing It?

I did the salsa again today, but it is just too fast.

So, in search of beginner zumba moves, I found Donna Griffen. I LOVE the way she breaks it down. My body just doesn't move like this! BUT...I can totally follow her at half tempo. I'm shocked at what a nice little workout it is for me! I'm going to stick with it, even though I'm a complete dodo bird at the moves. Maybe in a month, I'll be a little more fluid.

As embarrassing as this is, one of my favorite movies is "Along Came Polly", not to mention "Meet The Parents"...I love Ben Stiller! Anyways, in Along Came Polly, there's some serious salsa dancing. When Javier is teaching Reuben how to dance, Reuben is so rigid and awkward. That's how I feel!

I'll just keep going...it would be SO fun to be able to move fast enough to actually dance like this! Just doing the moves slowly gives my core a little action-yay!

Had another great walk this morning!

25 Minute Mile

What a glorious morning! Saturday was 47° and today was 57° at 7am. I love this walk! Lots of pretty flowers (I need to find the camera battery!) and lots of sniffing the lilacs! This route took 25 minutes. I'm not going for speed (obviously), but I am going for consistency and this morning was fantastic because I awoke and got myself out the door again!

Last week, I experimented with doing some beginner salsa dance moves. I can do them!

Point Eight Mile Walk

It poured rain on me this morning, but I didn't care. I was so happy to just be walking. It surprised me when I mapped my walk, that it was 8/10 mile. It felt really good and I could have done it twice! My feet were starting to feel a bit damp on the top, so it was OK that I was done! I liked this route enough that I will do it again. There are many little side streets, so I think this neighborhood is going to keep me busy and engaged for quite awhile...there's also many gardeners! I look forward to seeing how their yards progress through the summer and fall!

The past ten days have been just silly...I've eaten more on a daily basis than I have since I started (or so it seems). I'm not ready for 1200 calories per day, but I do think I'm close.

We moved here March 1st. I haven't established consistent patterns yet. I think I need to do that for awhile before I add something else. My friend Marilyn even said this to me on Wednesday and my friend Christi said the exact same thing to me on Thursday. Thank you Marilyn and Christi for both encouraging me!

So today was about walking. I think it would be wise to gather up the things I was doing before, and getting really solid. Those things are:
-walking everyday
-drinking water
-daily salad (I've been doing quite well with this discipline)
-daily fiber one
-no obvious sugars (doing very well, except for last week!)
-getting to bed earlier/up earlier (I was doing this quite well before we moved, but have been very consistently going to bed LATE!)


So, I actually feel relieved to step back as I now can see I was totally pushing myself unnecessarily. Today was a victory instead of a big defeat!

After getting more consistent with the above five, I'll need to work on:
-eat half dinner
-count calories
-get strong

I haven't figured out "get strong" yet and I'm not entirely excited about eating half of dinner! But for now, I have plenty to do. I've kept off about ten pounds over the past year, so that isn't bad. I've also established some really good new eating habits and don't overeat like I used to.

New Walk This Morning

I decided to try a different walk. I'm so uninspired about my boring walk, I find that I haven't been walking and that is unacceptable! I don't really like walking on gravel, but I like the incline and might do that one on hot days because it will be in the morning shade. Now I have two options, how very UNboring!

Just a little farther in the opposite direction is a neighborhood similar to my old one. It is a five minute drive each way. It was GLORIOUS! Thank You Lord!

Lots of lovely houses with even lovelier flower beds! Everything is blooming! I only wish I had taken my camera because the sky was gorgeous with lots of God rays. I tried to get a photo when I got home but it isn't as wonderful.

Now I just need to map it out to find distances. There are many possible routes and the only negative is that it is pretty flat. But it was sooooooo awesome to be walking on sidewalk and passing by flowers again!

On a caloric note, I've planned out what I'm going to eat today...1198 calories. There's enough chicken enchiladas and rice to serve my family leftovers tonight if I eat a frozen meal. I'm going to get breakfast, lunch, two snacks and the frozen meal! Maybe I can go for 10 points today!

OH NO

What a disaster!

I had this plan to give ten possible points per day and thinking I just needed to have a snack before dinner so I wasn't ravenous has FAILED! The past four days have been horrible! I get to dinner and totally lose it! This isn't the plan!

Tuesday night I just completely lost control over the ziti, Wednesday night I thought I could have one piece of pizza and then make a frozen meal for 280 calories. I never eat cheese pizza and it is sooooo good! We usually get combo, but I had my husband just bring home pizza "for the kids".

I thought pizza was about 300 per piece, but when I decided to look it up, it is 700 and 70 carbs! That is SCARY! I ended up eating two pieces, which is MORE than my TOTAL calories for the day-F A I L! Tonight I did ok with chicken enchiladas (one of my favorite meals with lots of melty cheese), but I didn't eat half.

On Monday I was asking myself, "what could happen in the next 40 days?", but I've wasted 10% of my time by blowing the past four days! Lord, HELP!

So where do I go from here?

One thing that makes this difficult is that I don't really know the calories for the meals I cook...how many calories IS a chicken enchilada? I think eating half is good, but it helps me to know the numbers if I'm going to enter weight loss territory. But then I'm not doing what the Lord told me to do-eat half. I'm not surrendering this...help Lord!

The Next Step-Weight Loss

Thank You Lord for all you are doing! I'm really excited about surrendering. I have the next step to add onto all the other steps I've been taking over the past year plus. I know you will be with me tonight as I STOP taking more than I need and START eating half of dinner.

OK, so I need to track daily and I have 10 areas. I can get a maximum score of 10 each day. I want to see as many high numbers as possible each day (10s would be good). Then I know I should be losing weight sometime soon.

1-any amount of daily walking
2-5 water
3-5 more water
4-fiber one cereal
5-daily salad
6-daily snack (eating it gives me a point!)
7-half of dinner
8-get strong (ddp yoga or praise moves, some extra moving besides the walk, when I lose weight I'll be able to DO MORE exercise)
9-no sugar
10-under 1200 calories (for weight loss)

I'm looking at my water bottle...my glass is 13oz so 10 of those is 130oz. I would need to drink 7.6 bottles to get that everyday. Thinking about doing that instead of 10 glasses...

OK, I set up a cup with 10 pennies on top of the water tank. Each time I refill my bottle, I'll toss in a penny. Refining previous systems, I think this will work!

I'm adjusting my salad to have more sunflower seeds. They are my favorite part of my salad and the fat stays with me, besides liking the crunch.

I love that this tracking sheet is NOT a burden because it is fueled by surrender and death to self. If I was just trying to manipulate my eating, it would be a burden. But it turns out it is tool and sometime in the future, I won't need it anymore! Like all my other spreadsheets I've used up until now!

Thank You Lord for time this morning to align my heart with Yours and to create a tool and have a plan!

Tired of the Struggle

This was Easter...today, again, it is GRAY and wet. I don't have many pictures for my blog because I haven't taken my camera with me yet on my walk. Not that there's much to photograph (except for rock hearts)!

I haven't walked in two weeks. I've gotten into a bad habit of staying up late and getting up late...I stopped setting my alarm and now I'm trying to get back to walking. I set my alarm this morning and got up in time for a walk and to make a smoothie for my husband before he left for work. I'm drinking water and have my cereal bowl reading and waiting. Hard boiled eggs are in the frig. Salad makings are all ready.

I am miserable. Though the scale read 220 last week, I know I've gained weight. I am tired of this struggle. I want to surrender more. I'm holding onto dinner and I just want to release it. I want to die to my own selfish desires with regards to eating half of dinner. He's been telling me to eat half of dinner since last May. What a glorious thing it has been to surrender sugar, oh thank You Lord!

He is so good to guide me! I want to cooperate with Him and hold nothing back. I'm so quick to settle for less, half way, a little bit of surrender. NO MORE, Lord. I want this process you are leading me through. I want it ALL. I want to stop denying that You want to do this! I want to die to get it all, because You offer life!

So...

I've been thinking...each meal is an eating opportunity...breakfast and lunch are pretty much the same...I need to deal with eating half at dinner. Whoah, Lord how am I going to do this? I am in control of my faculties...I am ABLE to control what I put in my mouth (I have control over my fork), but often I am overcome with...LUST, desire, gluttony and wanting more for myself than I really need. I am TAKING.

I was thinking the other day when we went grocery shopping how I spend too much because I like to buy several of everything...for the pantry. Now that we've moved and have a big pantry, I want to stock it. I like having one (or ten) in the pantry so when I run out of something, I grab the backup and put it on the shopping list to replace. That's efficient, true. But I wonder if there's an attitude that needs to be uncovered...in fact, I know this to be true, but I'm not exactly sure what it is...please help Lord. I think this same attitude is affecting my overeating...taking more than what I need at the time. Yes! Lord I repent of taking more than I need, I do this in many areas of my life, including dinner.

Not surprisingly, this is about self-government, about dying to my fleshly desires. Lord, I surrender. I give this willingly to You and I desire to expose my flesh and desire You give it a death blow. Please free me!

I realize that each meal is an opportunity to cooperate with You. I want Your ways Lord, not my own ways (which reap death).

There are some practical things I can do...I could have a snack before dinner. I eat lunch in the afternoon and by 7pm I'm really, really hungry and I inhale my food. I'm not eating enough calories before dinner, hmmmm, it would be good to have about 200 calories for snack and 400 for dinner to lose weight. Lord, what snack could I have? OK, greek yogurt! I love the stuff!  I also don't mind cottage cheese. Hmmm! What a new thought!

So I have weighed out 100g of Fred Meyer Greek Yogurt Vanilla. The plain is horrid, but OK in a smoothie. So this is a good portion, plenty. I could get it ready in the morning or lunch when I made my salad and have it ready for a 4pm or 5pm snack (we eat dinner late now that my husband's commute is longer). That works out to:
68 calories
8.5 protein
6 carbs
0 fat
5.5 sugars
0 fiber
Hmmm, that's only 68 calories...I could toss in a few slices of lunch meat. Yummy! OK, afternoon snack - here I come! If I'm not hungry in the afternoon (that salad really works!) I could have my snack WHILE I'm preparing dinner (instead of snacking on dinner preparations). This is really exciting!!!!!

Another practical thing, how to actually eat HALF? I've never done this successfully before. I could load up my plate like normal and scoop half off and not have seconds. OK, but I can see myself heaping that plate and then not actually eating half because I've put so much food on it.

How to do this Lord?

Ah! You answer my prayers! He is telling me to use a salad plate, serve up what I think I want (the smaller plate will limit the amount) and then scoop off half! I've never had that idea before, YES, I can do that! Thank you for the plan to get me started eating less, Lord. I want to govern myself SOON! Thank You for this practical thing to do. I'm excited to be surrendering this that You've wanted for so long. I'm glad to be doing it now, but sad it has taken me so long to do it Your way!

Since I'm going for weight loss, I'm going to need to do some daily tracking of calories so I can tell myself the truth (the Truth will set me free)!