What If?

As I've continued reading Thin Healthy Mama (tons and tons of recipes, fantastic!), I'm wondering...

WHAT IF?:
-I'm setting myself for a "diet" that I will eventually fail at (I don't want to do a diet!)
-this doesn't work for me
-what if I buy some of these new ingredients and don't like them
-what if I just don't like the plan and waste a bunch of time and money
-what if I'm veering away from my Spirit-led goal...is the Spirit leading me to do this?

I have a tendency to play devil's advocate with myself sometimes, just to "test" myself.

How else would the Lord lead me to something like this? He'd send a friend or a link or something! I think I owe it to myself to TRY IT and give it 100%, because if this really is the blessing it appears to be from the Lord, I wouldn't want to not embrace it.

I been making my old "fatty" recipes and my husband recently asked me to cook more healthy. I made a switch to healthier recipes last year and then slid back to my comfortable recipes. I just couldn't get up the gumption to go back to (what I felt were) "boring" healthy recipes. I haven't known what to do for dinners...this really could be a good thing to help me in that direction.

I'm going to give it all a try. There is a steep learning curve. I need to encourage myself that I know more today about it than I did yesterday...so keep going.

We grocery shop tomorrow, I'm going to try a few recipes for dinners and see how that goes. I'm dreadfully bored with making my 15 ingredient salad, it might be nice to take a little break from it and do something else.

Lord, how does all this fit into what you've been telling me to do? Do I adopt this eating plan (hoping it a permanent change)? Do I eat my same breakfast? Salad? Do I just do this for dinners? Or drop what I've been doing and jump into their plan?

I'm so amazed at how much I agree with everything they are saying. It's like it is just taking what I've been doing to the next level. Maybe this is just the next step. I don't want to give glory to a "diet program" when I lose weight. This has been a process, maybe this book is simply a tool. Wondering how to get started when I feel so ignorant at this point. More time reading?

Trim Healthy Mama Post 1

(photo credit Trim Healthy Mama)

Yesterday, my friend Lara I. visited and shared with me this 600+ page book called Trim Healthy Mama. I purchased the ebook formats in PDF (.pdf), Kindle (.mobi), other reader (.epub) versions here for only $19.95. I quickly realized that I will want the actual paperback book, so I ordered that, too. I started reading it last night after she left and then again this morning.

 

I'm actually REALLY EXCITED about this.

 

I've done food combining in the past, but as I read, I realize all that they are saying is information I've been collecting over the past few years...like understanding:

-insulin resistance

-that spiking blood sugar is actually what makes us fat

-the need for healthy fats

-eggs are GOOD for you!

-butter is not evil!

-animal protein is not evil!

There are lots of people who think animal protein (MEAT), dairy and many other things aren't meant for human consumption, but I've always disagreed on a basic level. Of course, people are allergic to foods, that's not what I mean. And of course, the quality and source of meats and dairy makes a big difference.

 

I also think this is going to be highly sustainable for me. One of the reasons this is even possible is because of all the veggies I've been eating since last year. I've completely broken off the sugar addiction I used to experience every single day. (I used to eat chocolate every day for years). I've been eating the same breakfast for virtually 18 months (and I would welcome some healthful variety)! I guess all the things the Lord has been telling me to do have led up to this (including learning how to plan and prepare meals for my family over the past two years)! I'm READY for this, it won't be too many changes at once!

 

What I didn't realize is that eating healthy fats with carbs produces weight gain. I'm speaking about all of this apart from calories consumption. ANYTHING is going to put on the pounds if too many calories are consumed. You can never get away from the numbers, portions must be a limiting factor...and I would contend that if I overate on their plan, I'd gain weight (I would assume that they'd be in agreement). So they separate meals as "healthy fat-based" and "carb-based", but each meal has a protein anchor.

 

I'm starting to feel like the Lord provided my friend, particularly on yesterday's day of surrender, to bring me what I need! I'm going to keep reading and figure out what I need to do. There's a great review of the book here and a "getting started" PDF here. I'm aiming at starting in the next two weeks.

 

When Am I Going to Surrender?

I've been tracking a few things for a couple weeks. Not tracking "critically", but just to collect the data. What time I go to bed and get up, when I start and stop my walk. Did I eat my salad? Did I walk? This is helping me be honest with myself. It is also inspiring me back to a steady routine of walking. I cut back my distance (which takes longer) so I can easily get back home before my husband leaves for work. Even though I'm walking a short distance, I'm DOING IT!

I don't want to take another year to obey and surrender. It's been a year since the Lord told me what I needed to do. I've done everything BUT "eat half of dinner". I really DO want to do this, to get healthy and lose weight and be FREE of the strong hold food has over me. I'm done. I don't want to resist ANY MORE. I can see when I eat half of dinner, I'll be in that 1200 calorie range, and that is where I want to be to lose weight.

I've been trying to "think" my way into this, which is not the way I've gained victory in other areas! I need to SURRENDER, yield...I know what to do.

Thesaurus.com : abandonment, abdication, acquiescence, appeasement, capitulation, cessation, dedition, delivery, giving way, relenting, relinquishment, renunciation, submission, succumbing, white flag, yielding

I personally like the word "abandonment" and "yielding". I want to throw myself on the Lord and abandon myself to His Love. The word involves willingness to give it up. I give it up, Lord. Not in "give up" as in stop trying, but "give up" as in yielding my perceived right to control it.

I'm going to stop skimming the surface, I'm digging deeper into my attitudes about surrendering. I've surrendered in other areas, so I know what it looks like and I know what victory looks like, too. So I was making comparisons to my process of winning my kids' hearts...I know what to do! This encourages me.

This morning on my walk I realized I've been lying to myself. I was thinking about eating half. That's it. That's where I am. I'm SO CLOSE. I need to push through, so what's stopping me?

One thing I believe is that I don't have control. I was just posting on a Facebook group I'm a member of that very thing, I DO have control over my faculties. I CAN STOP.

So my first step starting NOW (with regards to eating half of dinner) is to STOP at half. And then deal with the fallout of that by processing with the Lord and crying out to Him for help in the moment. I have control over my faculties to DO THAT. I'm going to DO IT. I'm going to STOP at half.

TODAY'S PRINCIPLE IS: I have control over my faculties. I don't want to lie to myself anymore that I can't stop. The truth is (was) I won't stop...and that is going to go. I will exercise control by STOPPING at half. Thank you Lord.

BEGINNING AGAIN

I've decided to "begin again" instead of resisting the Lord.

I like to track myself with certain things, so I'm going to do that again. I'm going to weigh myself everyday just for the data aspect of it and the ease of doing it with my shoes on after my walk. I'm going to do the things He has for me to do.

I set my alarm for 6am and got out the door to walk at 7am. Not too bad considering I've been sleeping in a lot. The higher desire got me out of bed.

I'm excited to make my salad today and obey what the Lord has put in front of me! I'm going to start tagging these future posts with "2013".

UPDATE: The Lord provided a friend who inspired me today. She was explaining how she calculates how much she can have for dinner (before she loads her plate) and how she is taking puny servings and how she hasn't adjusted to these smaller portions yet. As she's continued, her stomach is smaller so she feels more full. This really inspired me today, thank you Lord!

(photo was a collaboration of several friends, thank you!)

Joining Forces

More and more I've been thinking that my husband and I need to join forces. This morning we had a discussion about the strong hold food has in both our lives. Each of us really needs to lose 100 pounds and we discussed what that might look like.

I've been making green smoothies for him since January. He has one every morning and loves it. He didn't used to eat breakfast at all, so I consider it a good step on several levels.

But I'm not surrendered about eating. The past couple weeks, I've not governed myself really at all, eating whatever I want. My pants feel tight and I'm nervous about getting on the scale.

This process does not have to take forever. I need to really make a decision and decide if I'm going to surrender or not.

Get Up and Go

I haven't been serious the past couple weeks. The good thing is I can begin again today. Took a walk and I can tell I'm a little creaky, no surprise, I ate a lot of sugar on our vacation. Did a little dancing this morning, too, if you count 2 1/2 minutes, which I do! Eager to "get up and go" walking this week. Today was a good start.

Agony Brings Discovery

I haven't walked in quite awhile. This morning was agony on so many levels.

Then something occurred to me...

It is SO DIFFICULT to start and stop...this is such a pattern for me...being consistently "inconsistent". Life would just be a whole lot better if I just WALKED EVERY MORNING, why do I see each day as "optional", anyways? The effort of deciding is making me weary.

Why not just GET UP EVERY MORNING at the same time!? AND WALK!?

Today the path of righteousness is right at my feet, I choose to step into Your steps, Lord, and follow You. I don't want my ways, they only reap death, You bring life.

Thank you Lord for being near to me this morning and showering me with your love and mercy. You are the source of life and giver of all good things...I want only You!

Release From Walking, Start Dancing

Hello Trachycarpus fortunei (Windmill Palm)...gorgeous!

I haven't had a salad in awhile, but today is the day.

I've been eating some things I haven't had in a looooong time. Very interesting, I don't feel super gross like I did in the past when I ate high carb foods. I think I've increased my health to a degree!

But

I don't want to settle for a degree, I want to SHRINK and be truly healthy!

I know now to stay away from tracking myself! Being Spirit-led is about living moment-by-moment, so I can leave those charts behind (unless otherwise directed)!

This morning, I sensed the Lord telling me that if I do the dancing, the walk isn't necessary, because doing both has been challenging. OK! That gives me some freedom in what to do. The dancing is AWESOME and is an incredible workout. Just finished 40 minutes. At about 37 minutes, it's like I get a second wind! I could keep going! I feel great and ready for a salad, despite the frozen mac & cheese and homemade brownies that are floating around here.

Fight of My Life

...to walk this morning!

Well, I don't know why this is so, but every time I "track" myself, it turns out to be a disaster! So NO more tracking!

The tracking leaves me with trying to "fill in all the boxes" which is sort of a scarcity mentality. But when I simply do my day, it is like I'm "collecting" activities, which for some reason, is better.

So...I'm eager to start walking and dancing again! I did one mile this morning. :)

Two Week Tracking Day 6

I'm so off!

Two Week Tracking Day 5

I'm just so mad at myself for staying up all night. It throws me off for a couple days. I didn't have a great day.

Two Week Tracking Day 4

Uh, today was really a bust. I visited my Mom all day, helping her with gardening tasks, and the day just wasn't my own. I didn't take my walk or dance because we had to leave early, but I did get lots of exercise, it was much easier to help her since I've been moving more! She made a salad for lunch along with a piece of pizza, but later on I got hungry. We had an ice cream "drumstick" around 5pm and then for dinner I had leftovers at home. There were TWO iced caramel mochas involved in the evening as well and some binging...I seem to have trouble with that when I become hungry...hmmmm.

Two Week Tracking Day 3

I did my walk and dancing again today-what a workout! It feels REALLY good to move!

We were out all afternoon running errands and ended up eating out, which was pretty much a disaster.

The foods I have the least control with are taco salad, cheesy chicken casserole and pizza. We had taco salad on Friday night and chicken casserole is scheduled for tomorrow night. Hmmmm.

On this morning's walk, I got thinking about the beef burritos coming tomorrow...honestly, I usually eat two burritos and heaps of rice. If I ate one burrito and one heap of rice, that would be good. I could take that amount and split it onto two plates, then I could feel like I had seconds. I might try that...

Two Week Tracking Day 2

Day 2 success! Almost all my water (it is difficult to drink and keep track of water while visiting friends), I ate three homemade cookies before I realized I should have had one or none, had my salad for dinner and ate a reasonable amount for lunch at friend's (cheese tortilla and broccoli salad) and DANCED!

This morning (Friday), I'm dragging. I trudged through a one mile walk in the rain with my earbuds popping out of my ears periodically. I'll my dance routine, though, because I'm really curious to see how it helps me and it is DOABLE cardio!

I'm also ready to get on the scale and start tracking that again since I'm expecting some weight loss. I can tell I feel better, any day without sugar is a good day and I've had several. Looking forward to a cozy, gray and rainy day with my kids.

Two Week Tracking Day 1

Yay, Day 1. Drank all my water, kept calories in check, walked and danced (!) for exercise AND I ate pizza for dinner!

This morning I'm tired, but looking forward to dancing soon.

WHOAH I Think I'm Onto Something!

After I wrote my last post about an hour ago, I posted this:

I've been searching online for exercises that I can do...I don't want to spend any money because after DDP Yoga that I'm not doing, I don't want to spend more money. I also recently bought a Praise Moves DVD, so I'm down about $90 so far. What can I do for free?

So the other day I found a site where the woman lost over 150lbs and she was able to do Les Mills Pump Workout at over 250lbs! So I've been looking at it, but I'm going to hold off for now because it is about $180 and comes with a barbell (more stuff).

I've been playing with the idea of dancing...I love dancing. So I've been looking at YouTube (as you know) but it just doesn't grip me. This morning I thought, "Oh, I better do five minutes of that dance video".

I didn't want to be bored, so I went off on my own, and what a trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!

I put together a playlist of some of my favorite "bouncy" tunes the other day. This morning I let it roll. I AM SWEATING and breathing and MOVING!

Here's what I did:
4:08 50 Ways to Say Goodbye by Train
2:53 Let's Dance by Vanessa Hudgens
2:43 Something That I Want by Grace Potter
3:35 Sexy Vampire by Fright Ranger
2:46 The Middle by Jimmy Eat World
3:00 Little Beggarman by Great Big Sea
4:21 Ashes by Embrace
7:35 Let's Go Crazy (Special Dance Mix) by Prince
3:01 I Want Candy (featuring Cody Simpson) by Hop
2:05 Dance With Me Tonight from "That Thing You Do" soundtrack
3:38 I Refuse by Josh Wilson

That's 40 minutes of exercise! WHAT?! I didn't want to stop! What is THAT all about! Did I say I'm sweating and moving and breathing-that means I'm BURNING CALORIES people!!!! At over 200lbs, just moving is a workout.

AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to do it again...maybe I'll do it tonight! What? Wanting to sweat and move and breathe and exercise twice a day for 40 minutes!??! HUH?

I took a video of myself because I want to remember my limited range of motion because I won't remember any of this when I get healthy...so here's a doozy, including big fat tummy! Lovely.

Stay tuned to see if this dancing thing sticks!

Right Where I Am

I didn't want to get up this morning, but that's nothing new. Once on the path, I was soooo glad I got up. It was about 52, cool and sunny with beautiful cloud patterns. On Friday, this lilac was near the end, I didn't have my camera when it was in full glory, the color and scent are fading. This morning the blossoms were 30% brown and shriveled, sigh.

I haven't been eating salads, haven't been doing the things I need to do. I've noticed the past two days, I've felt like I needed a nap in the afternoon. I've wandered from what the Lord is telling me to do.

Lord, I repent! I want your ways, not my ways. I want to give attention to my health and I know You want to work here.

For the next two weeks, I'm going to evaluate where I'm at...am I really walking most days? Am I drinking water? So I'll post today's info on tomorrow's post. I'm going to label the posts from May 16 to May 30: "Two Week Tracking".

I really want to do be done with this fat. The only way to do that is actually stay in my process and take it one thing at a time. I've been consumed with "getting back to my life" since we moved, but the Lord spoke to me recently that I wasn't "getting BACK", I needed to start again and move FORWARD from here. So this is a good place to start again, right where I am.

Daily Calorie Sheet Updated

I updated my daily calorie tracking sheet to include fiber and sugars. I think it is helpful to know both.

Here’s the Excel spreadsheet and PDF if you want one. I designed it to go into a 3-ring binder.
pdf: daily_calorie_tracking_sheet
excel spreadsheet: daily_calorie_tracking_sheet

links pdf:
http://spiritledweightloss.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/daily_calorie_tracking_sheet_may2013.pdf
links spreadsheet: http://spiritledweightloss.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/daily_calorie_tracking_sheet_may2013.xlsx

It Was a Dark and...

I got up again this morning! I'm walking consistently again! YAY!

A little after 7 o'clock this morning, the street lights were still on...it felt dark compared to yesterday's sun! I'm walked about .75 miles this morning, which is about half of what I'd like to be doing, but I'm thrilled to be getting out of bed again!

The Path

My son accompanied me this morning! That's my favorite! He hasn't ventured out with me since we moved and I had to do a lot of inviting, but he finally succumbed! Next time I ask, I'm hoping he'll come without too much persuasion since now he knows it is harmless.

I start my walk in an established neighborhood. Along the way, I transition into a newer neighborhood. This path is where the two meet. I've been wanting to walk down to the end and today was the day! It was OK, I don't know that I'd do it alone, it feels kinda isolated and I don't like that feeling, but it was nice to explore nonetheless.

Can You Swing It?

I did the salsa again today, but it is just too fast.

So, in search of beginner zumba moves, I found Donna Griffen. I LOVE the way she breaks it down. My body just doesn't move like this! BUT...I can totally follow her at half tempo. I'm shocked at what a nice little workout it is for me! I'm going to stick with it, even though I'm a complete dodo bird at the moves. Maybe in a month, I'll be a little more fluid.

As embarrassing as this is, one of my favorite movies is "Along Came Polly", not to mention "Meet The Parents"...I love Ben Stiller! Anyways, in Along Came Polly, there's some serious salsa dancing. When Javier is teaching Reuben how to dance, Reuben is so rigid and awkward. That's how I feel!

I'll just keep going...it would be SO fun to be able to move fast enough to actually dance like this! Just doing the moves slowly gives my core a little action-yay!

Had another great walk this morning!

25 Minute Mile

What a glorious morning! Saturday was 47° and today was 57° at 7am. I love this walk! Lots of pretty flowers (I need to find the camera battery!) and lots of sniffing the lilacs! This route took 25 minutes. I'm not going for speed (obviously), but I am going for consistency and this morning was fantastic because I awoke and got myself out the door again!

Last week, I experimented with doing some beginner salsa dance moves. I can do them!

Point Eight Mile Walk

It poured rain on me this morning, but I didn't care. I was so happy to just be walking. It surprised me when I mapped my walk, that it was 8/10 mile. It felt really good and I could have done it twice! My feet were starting to feel a bit damp on the top, so it was OK that I was done! I liked this route enough that I will do it again. There are many little side streets, so I think this neighborhood is going to keep me busy and engaged for quite awhile...there's also many gardeners! I look forward to seeing how their yards progress through the summer and fall!

The past ten days have been just silly...I've eaten more on a daily basis than I have since I started (or so it seems). I'm not ready for 1200 calories per day, but I do think I'm close.

We moved here March 1st. I haven't established consistent patterns yet. I think I need to do that for awhile before I add something else. My friend Marilyn even said this to me on Wednesday and my friend Christi said the exact same thing to me on Thursday. Thank you Marilyn and Christi for both encouraging me!

So today was about walking. I think it would be wise to gather up the things I was doing before, and getting really solid. Those things are:
-walking everyday
-drinking water
-daily salad (I've been doing quite well with this discipline)
-daily fiber one
-no obvious sugars (doing very well, except for last week!)
-getting to bed earlier/up earlier (I was doing this quite well before we moved, but have been very consistently going to bed LATE!)


So, I actually feel relieved to step back as I now can see I was totally pushing myself unnecessarily. Today was a victory instead of a big defeat!

After getting more consistent with the above five, I'll need to work on:
-eat half dinner
-count calories
-get strong

I haven't figured out "get strong" yet and I'm not entirely excited about eating half of dinner! But for now, I have plenty to do. I've kept off about ten pounds over the past year, so that isn't bad. I've also established some really good new eating habits and don't overeat like I used to.

New Walk This Morning

I decided to try a different walk. I'm so uninspired about my boring walk, I find that I haven't been walking and that is unacceptable! I don't really like walking on gravel, but I like the incline and might do that one on hot days because it will be in the morning shade. Now I have two options, how very UNboring!

Just a little farther in the opposite direction is a neighborhood similar to my old one. It is a five minute drive each way. It was GLORIOUS! Thank You Lord!

Lots of lovely houses with even lovelier flower beds! Everything is blooming! I only wish I had taken my camera because the sky was gorgeous with lots of God rays. I tried to get a photo when I got home but it isn't as wonderful.

Now I just need to map it out to find distances. There are many possible routes and the only negative is that it is pretty flat. But it was sooooooo awesome to be walking on sidewalk and passing by flowers again!

On a caloric note, I've planned out what I'm going to eat today...1198 calories. There's enough chicken enchiladas and rice to serve my family leftovers tonight if I eat a frozen meal. I'm going to get breakfast, lunch, two snacks and the frozen meal! Maybe I can go for 10 points today!

OH NO

What a disaster!

I had this plan to give ten possible points per day and thinking I just needed to have a snack before dinner so I wasn't ravenous has FAILED! The past four days have been horrible! I get to dinner and totally lose it! This isn't the plan!

Tuesday night I just completely lost control over the ziti, Wednesday night I thought I could have one piece of pizza and then make a frozen meal for 280 calories. I never eat cheese pizza and it is sooooo good! We usually get combo, but I had my husband just bring home pizza "for the kids".

I thought pizza was about 300 per piece, but when I decided to look it up, it is 700 and 70 carbs! That is SCARY! I ended up eating two pieces, which is MORE than my TOTAL calories for the day-F A I L! Tonight I did ok with chicken enchiladas (one of my favorite meals with lots of melty cheese), but I didn't eat half.

On Monday I was asking myself, "what could happen in the next 40 days?", but I've wasted 10% of my time by blowing the past four days! Lord, HELP!

So where do I go from here?

One thing that makes this difficult is that I don't really know the calories for the meals I cook...how many calories IS a chicken enchilada? I think eating half is good, but it helps me to know the numbers if I'm going to enter weight loss territory. But then I'm not doing what the Lord told me to do-eat half. I'm not surrendering this...help Lord!

The Next Step-Weight Loss

Thank You Lord for all you are doing! I'm really excited about surrendering. I have the next step to add onto all the other steps I've been taking over the past year plus. I know you will be with me tonight as I STOP taking more than I need and START eating half of dinner.

OK, so I need to track daily and I have 10 areas. I can get a maximum score of 10 each day. I want to see as many high numbers as possible each day (10s would be good). Then I know I should be losing weight sometime soon.

1-any amount of daily walking
2-5 water
3-5 more water
4-fiber one cereal
5-daily salad
6-daily snack (eating it gives me a point!)
7-half of dinner
8-get strong (ddp yoga or praise moves, some extra moving besides the walk, when I lose weight I'll be able to DO MORE exercise)
9-no sugar
10-under 1200 calories (for weight loss)

I'm looking at my water bottle...my glass is 13oz so 10 of those is 130oz. I would need to drink 7.6 bottles to get that everyday. Thinking about doing that instead of 10 glasses...

OK, I set up a cup with 10 pennies on top of the water tank. Each time I refill my bottle, I'll toss in a penny. Refining previous systems, I think this will work!

I'm adjusting my salad to have more sunflower seeds. They are my favorite part of my salad and the fat stays with me, besides liking the crunch.

I love that this tracking sheet is NOT a burden because it is fueled by surrender and death to self. If I was just trying to manipulate my eating, it would be a burden. But it turns out it is tool and sometime in the future, I won't need it anymore! Like all my other spreadsheets I've used up until now!

Thank You Lord for time this morning to align my heart with Yours and to create a tool and have a plan!

Tired of the Struggle

This was Easter...today, again, it is GRAY and wet. I don't have many pictures for my blog because I haven't taken my camera with me yet on my walk. Not that there's much to photograph (except for rock hearts)!

I haven't walked in two weeks. I've gotten into a bad habit of staying up late and getting up late...I stopped setting my alarm and now I'm trying to get back to walking. I set my alarm this morning and got up in time for a walk and to make a smoothie for my husband before he left for work. I'm drinking water and have my cereal bowl reading and waiting. Hard boiled eggs are in the frig. Salad makings are all ready.

I am miserable. Though the scale read 220 last week, I know I've gained weight. I am tired of this struggle. I want to surrender more. I'm holding onto dinner and I just want to release it. I want to die to my own selfish desires with regards to eating half of dinner. He's been telling me to eat half of dinner since last May. What a glorious thing it has been to surrender sugar, oh thank You Lord!

He is so good to guide me! I want to cooperate with Him and hold nothing back. I'm so quick to settle for less, half way, a little bit of surrender. NO MORE, Lord. I want this process you are leading me through. I want it ALL. I want to stop denying that You want to do this! I want to die to get it all, because You offer life!

So...

I've been thinking...each meal is an eating opportunity...breakfast and lunch are pretty much the same...I need to deal with eating half at dinner. Whoah, Lord how am I going to do this? I am in control of my faculties...I am ABLE to control what I put in my mouth (I have control over my fork), but often I am overcome with...LUST, desire, gluttony and wanting more for myself than I really need. I am TAKING.

I was thinking the other day when we went grocery shopping how I spend too much because I like to buy several of everything...for the pantry. Now that we've moved and have a big pantry, I want to stock it. I like having one (or ten) in the pantry so when I run out of something, I grab the backup and put it on the shopping list to replace. That's efficient, true. But I wonder if there's an attitude that needs to be uncovered...in fact, I know this to be true, but I'm not exactly sure what it is...please help Lord. I think this same attitude is affecting my overeating...taking more than what I need at the time. Yes! Lord I repent of taking more than I need, I do this in many areas of my life, including dinner.

Not surprisingly, this is about self-government, about dying to my fleshly desires. Lord, I surrender. I give this willingly to You and I desire to expose my flesh and desire You give it a death blow. Please free me!

I realize that each meal is an opportunity to cooperate with You. I want Your ways Lord, not my own ways (which reap death).

There are some practical things I can do...I could have a snack before dinner. I eat lunch in the afternoon and by 7pm I'm really, really hungry and I inhale my food. I'm not eating enough calories before dinner, hmmmm, it would be good to have about 200 calories for snack and 400 for dinner to lose weight. Lord, what snack could I have? OK, greek yogurt! I love the stuff!  I also don't mind cottage cheese. Hmmm! What a new thought!

So I have weighed out 100g of Fred Meyer Greek Yogurt Vanilla. The plain is horrid, but OK in a smoothie. So this is a good portion, plenty. I could get it ready in the morning or lunch when I made my salad and have it ready for a 4pm or 5pm snack (we eat dinner late now that my husband's commute is longer). That works out to:
68 calories
8.5 protein
6 carbs
0 fat
5.5 sugars
0 fiber
Hmmm, that's only 68 calories...I could toss in a few slices of lunch meat. Yummy! OK, afternoon snack - here I come! If I'm not hungry in the afternoon (that salad really works!) I could have my snack WHILE I'm preparing dinner (instead of snacking on dinner preparations). This is really exciting!!!!!

Another practical thing, how to actually eat HALF? I've never done this successfully before. I could load up my plate like normal and scoop half off and not have seconds. OK, but I can see myself heaping that plate and then not actually eating half because I've put so much food on it.

How to do this Lord?

Ah! You answer my prayers! He is telling me to use a salad plate, serve up what I think I want (the smaller plate will limit the amount) and then scoop off half! I've never had that idea before, YES, I can do that! Thank you for the plan to get me started eating less, Lord. I want to govern myself SOON! Thank You for this practical thing to do. I'm excited to be surrendering this that You've wanted for so long. I'm glad to be doing it now, but sad it has taken me so long to do it Your way!

Since I'm going for weight loss, I'm going to need to do some daily tracking of calories so I can tell myself the truth (the Truth will set me free)!

Saturday Walk

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I didn't walk for various reasons. But today I walked a mile in the chilly 34°F weather.

Thursday was the second day of Spring, and it SNOWED!

I must comment that my new walk is SO BORING. I mean, REALLY b o r i n g. My previous neighborhood walks were interesting because in every yard I passed (many!) there was something going on with the gardens or landscapes...flowers, fruit, color, new growth, leaves, etc. Now I walk in a straight line along a barbed wire fence with traffic whizzing by on one side and behind the chain link, barbed wire fence I can see native Pacific Northwest flora including mostly evergreens, which just don't have a lot of color or interest. I don't think it has to be a deal breaker, but it makes me appreciate my previous route.

I've enjoyed a salad almost everyday this week. I was sad on the day I put the wrong dressing on, though! Fresh blueberries are right around the corner, ooooh, how I've missed them!

Three Days in a Row

I'm feeling better now that I've walked nearly three miles in the past three days, hooray! This morning it was really difficult to get out and walk before my husband left for work. I kept saying, "just put my shoes on"! It was nippy and chilly, 39F this morning.

I haven't been eating my salads as moving has "upset my apple cart", but today, my salad is already made, ready and waiting for lunchtime!

Soon, I'll be walking around my garden! Spring starts on Wednesday-yay!

New County, New Morning Walk

What a beautiful sunset sky the other night! We've been here about a week...it feels like a long time ago, even though we finished moving only seven days ago.

We live on a rural-ish road with not much shoulder. I went out yesterday to walk. At the end of the road are ferocious barking dogs and since I didn't have my glasses on, I couldn't tell if they were behind a fence or not, so I turned on my heel and slowly started back the other way.

That inspired me to look into a different route. I can drive less than two miles to a nice gravel, wooded recreational path so I took the van out for a reconnaissance mission. Success!

So this morning, I hopped in the van and drove to my new walking spot. It is quite hilly and I walked one mile, which was more of a workout than my sidewalk walks. That's a good thing! Hooray, I've got my walk going at our new home!

A New Season

Shortly after my last post, we found a new home! We've spent the past six weeks packing and getting ready to move. We moved this weekend and now I'm in a sea of boxes!

I'm going to miss my walks! We live on a busy road with a gravel shoulder instead of sidewalks. Right now, my focus is unpacking and soon I'll figure out my new walks.

I've eaten lots of fast food the past few days, but that's OK. Moving doesn't happen very often!

Bye, bye house!

Sugar-Free Me

I'm interested to weigh in tomorrow. It has been a VERY good week.

My daily goals are:
-daily vitamins
-morning walk
-5 glasses of water
-daily breakfast (fiber one and egg)
-daily salad

I've been giving myself a "zero" or "one for each goal, for each day. So a "score" of 5 would be "perfect"...I've had several 5s this past week! YAY! My walks are just "get out the door and walk around the block"-type walks, but I'm doing them! Soon, I'll be going farther again.

So...here's what my days have looked like...this past week, when I got serious about surrendering the area I did not want to give up (stop eating obvious refined sugars, which means CANDY), I went through sugar withdrawl for a few days...headaches and severe cravings. He is FAITHFUL! When I had cravings, knowing I was NOT going to eat sugar, I cried out to Him to help me...and I made it through! I was encouraged knowing each day that I would not be tempted non-stop, but the temptations would present themselves periodically...and I knew that I could handle running to Him with each "incident" of temptation knowing that I was going to obey, but depending on Him to help me through the actual craving.

Ah! HUGE to experience His love and care for me. He loves my obedience and I can say today that I am loving the way I feel and the excitement over the belief I have for actually being obedient!

Tomorrow, I'm hoping the scale reflects a week of no sugar...it would be super cool to be under 220...not sure if that will be, but we'll see. Sugar is an inflammatory and I'm so NOT inflamed! :)

I've been making green smoothies for two days....interesting! I think these will come in really handy as an afternoon snack or even to boost my calories for breakfast since I don't really have enough for breakfast! I'm really surprised how they last in the frig without separation. I've been planning to plant a veggie garden and now I have some ideas for what I want to grow (parsley, mixed greens, shortie carrots). I never really wanted a veggie garden (flowers-yes) because I knew we wouldn't eat them! With the green smoothies, there's hope for more veggie intake! Wondering about sweet potatoes in smoothies...I think that would be quite tasty.

Surrendering Each Incident

Being Spirit-led is very personal. I established this blog for myself, but in the back of my mind, I know someone, sometime, might read my personal journey, someone who doesn't really know me. For this reason, I've been holding back some of my more intimate details, because, well, they're intimate. But I need to document these wonderful things the Lord has been showing me because I believe it is really critical in my journey.

The past few days I've been wrestling with what I believe the Lord is telling me and what I'm willing to do. I've discovered something...I am not surrendered. As the months have gone by, I've become more propelled by my own strength. This has been a revelation and something I've repented of. The Lord WANTS to do this work in me...and I'm not cooperating.

So I started to delve into that and guess what? I don't want to die! I don't want to die to my flesh, don't want to take up my Cross, don't want to deny myself (whatever I want), don't want to not eat sugar, etc.

This is THE problem. And I've been thinking about it this week and crying out to the Lord to bring me to a point of true surrender. I am totally SICK of all this, I'm tired of not surrendering myself, tired of being fat, tired of being miserable in this struggle (of which, lately, I haven't struggled at all) and even thinking that this isn't the area He wants to work in-hello!?!

I was thinking back to the past two years and how much I've grown to know the Lord. And I've been thinking about what that process looked like...all this talking with the Lord and thinking about this brought me to realizing that in the past, I would connect with the Lord over each "incident" that required surrender. And over a couple years of going through this dying to my selfish ways day after day after day, He's done a huge work in me. And I began to see the parallel...there are many "incidents" each day when I'm tempted with food. I started asking myself, "why am I not connecting in these incidents in the way I was doing before when my self-centeredness would rise up"?

Yes, indeed.

So, today was a GREAT day! I know that these tempting incidents don't happen relentlessly, all day long. They come here and there-what a hope! But when they do come, I need to focus my attention on the Lord and surrender. I am in control of my faculties, I can NOT bring that item to my mouth and I can cry out to Him for help.

Today this happened only twice. And both times I was craving sugar after a meal. BUT NO SUGAR, non-negotiable, so this became an incident and He helped me overcome. This journey is about one little incident after another until one or two years is behind me. I made a new spreadsheet to help me simply track each day (instead of using the little books)...it is helping me see the next 365 days and how important each day really is.

The Lord is so good to me...He's told me what I need to do. And it really isn't difficult at all (when I'm surrendered)! When I eat my breakfast and then salad, I'm not hungry until about 4pm. And if I stay UNhungry, I don't have many issues, temptations or incidents (for the most part). If I keep walking in what He's told me over and over and over-every day, and dealing with tempting incidents that crop up in real time, and just keep going, that would be cooperating! And then my way is sure!

What encouragement I have today! What a turn-around! I no longer feel weary about tracking water or anything else...I'm actually quite excited. My focus is on SURRENDER and not the other things/tasks.

I did not even think to weigh this morning, so I think I'll weigh in the morning. :)

(This photo was taken earlier this week. I hate that half my face is CHIN! I hate that big tire around my middle. This is so not who I really AM anymore and I want nothing to do with it. What a wonderful day of surrender...and a step farther away from the fat that holds me back).

Rating My Day With Points-New Strategy

As I've been evaluating my situation, I realize that I must listen to my conscience and obey in order to overcome. I've been thinking a lot about how to proceed and have a new strategy to overcome my tendency to just simply "forget" what I'm doing here!

Success will not be dependent on any strategy, but it is helping me plan. Each day has a possible successful total of FIVE:
1-drink 5 glasses of water
2-eat Fiber One daily
3-eat salad daily
4-walk daily
5-no sugar

So everyday I'll give myself the points earned and then I can take averages each week or month. I love these little booklets and look forward to using them as a tool for my memory. The idea is that I focus on these things for four weeks...next month I'll increase the water and possibly look at reducing calories.

I think what I really am doing here is counting my days. These little booklets represent the next year. I can SEE IT. Ultimately, the whole losing weight issue comes down to dying to self. :)

Saturday Scale December 29

Things could be worse. I was happy to see 222lbs today.

Year In Review-2012

Well, I am six weeks short of ONE YEAR of my first post.

So...I'm wondering, since I weigh about five pounds less, has the year been wasted?

NO, most certainly not.

I learned a lot this year! I spent a lot of time WALKING and I've never done that before! I learned how to increase my fiber and eat a salad-a-day. I learned that I can reduce my cow's milk intake dramatically, decreasing the sugars I consume. I still enjoy a glass of cow's milk with chocolate or dessert, but it is more of a treat now.

I agree with the reality that I'm miserable over 220 pounds and I do want to change that. Maybe I need to set some goals. I really have a strong foundation on which to build for 2013 and I'm feeling ready to close out the chapter of 2012 and start anew very soon.

1. Now that we're past the Winter Solstice (HOORAY!!!!!!), the days will be getting longer again! This in itself boosts my spirits and inspires me to get outside!

2. Set up a binder for daily assessment.

New Kittens!

Well, I needed a photo for this post, so here's a reality shot of me with our new kitties.

I have officially fallen off the weight loss track. I've lost all my care or determination or inspiration about having a new life. I don't quite know what to do, but I know I'm miserable about it.

I've decided to start a three-ring binder with daily sheets to track my activity and attitude, instead of using the computer. I'm hoping this hands-on approach will give me something concrete in which to focus in hopes of renewing my commitment.

Thanksgiving Dinner

I didn't realize it until this morning...for the first time in my life, I didn't have SECONDS for Thanksgiving dinner. Wow.

Higher Desire

Yesterday I slept in and didn't walk. I chose to not get up. I feel so much better when I DO get out the door and that motivates me on days like to day when it was especially difficult.

It is a CHOICE to walk each morning. And every morning, I do actually have to make that CHOICE. It is often a daily struggle as my flesh wants to be comfortable and warm and cozy in my bed in the morning! I wonder if it will get easier...I think so as I do it over and over. Besides, the reason it is difficult, is because I've stayed in bed over and over and over...it is the habit and it must be broken. Maybe at some point, walking will be the habit and it will get easier.

So what to do?

1-I WANT to stay in bed and when I'm there, I can think of many reasons to stay in bed.
2-I WANT to walk because there are so many benefits, not the least of which is the Lord has told me to walk every morning.

So...what motivates me to actually RISE and get dressed and put on socks and shoes and jacket and iPod and go outside when I never did this in the past?

My  H I G H E R  DESIRE is to walk. That is the desire that has more value to me.

Does that mean my fleshy, self-centered nature WANTS that higher desire? NO! It never does. My natural tendency is to STAY IN BED. So I often have to talk to myself about this higher desire and go through a quick list of benefits while I'm still snuggled and waking up. It has really helped me.

I want to obey.
I want to lose weight.
I want to feel better.
I enjoy the peace of mind I get when I obey the Lord (He told me to walk).
I want to breathe fresh air.
I want to listen to my worship songs.
I want to see the weather outside (curiosity)!
I want to take the opportunity (I must walk before my husband leaves because I don't leave my children home alone yet).

These are some things I remind myself of...but in the moment, IT IS A CHOICE. I do have to take the action of CHOOSING which desire I will fuel. Today was a wonderful choice...I walked!

Walking in the Rain

This is NOT what the sky looked like this morning, in fact, it is afternoon and feels so dark!

I've walked the past few days, SO good to be getting back in the routine. Yesterday was 1.7 miles! Yay, I haven't done that in awhile. Today, it was P O U R I N G rain. Within 10 minutes my FEET were soaking from rain going through the fabric of my shoe tops...and I wasn't even walking in puddles. Forget that! I turned around and came home, it was just silly to soak my insoles and entire body...I didn't see it as a whimp out, more of a "wise out"...came home and dried off.

Saturday Scale 1 November 17th

I NEED to weigh myself each week because it keeps calories in the forefront of my day. When I don't weigh, there doesn't seem to be that "urgency" to NOT eat a Bit-O-Honey or more cornbread.

I think I'll hold off on all the calculating each week...I can see when I've lost and my goal is 198...So, my goal right now is to lose about 25 pounds...one at a time. I'm going to weigh on Saturday mornings starting now.

222.5, no wonder I feel crummy.

Hope

Well...

things haven't been going so well. I've fallen out of my strong habits I built over the summer. I thought weighing every week was putting my focus in the wrong place, but this just isn't the case! Weighing every week DOES put my focus in the RIGHT place. This process must move forward, I can't just abort.

-I'm not walking everyday
-I haven't been eating my salad each day
-not drinking much water
-I've been gaining weight
-I feel crummy physically in the past few days

So I've identified what I'm struggling with:
-keeping fresh salad in the house (inventory control)
-walking in the dark and cold (I don't mind the wet!)
-drinking more water
-obviously, eating less

These things seemed easy when I started them, so why do they seem so difficult now? I need to spend some time looking at what's going on so I can solve the problem. I can no longer ignore that things just aren't working.

WALKING:
So...if my main walk is 45 minutes, what time do I need to leave the house so I can return before my husband goes to work? And what time do I need to get out of the sheets so I can meet that goal? I took a quick look at reality and discovered that I need to leave by 6:45am so I need to get out of bed no later than 6:30am. OK, so that's a hard constant. 6:30am.

The other issue is the dark. I've actually enjoyed my walks in the dark so I don't really need to worry about that. The darkest morning will be the Winter Solstice, which is December 21st...sunrise is about 7:58am on that day. So for the next six weeks, darkness will increase by about a half an hour. It may still be dark arriving home at 7:30am come Christmas, but then the glorious truth that the days start getting longer again after Christmas...and time for primroses on the porch.

The cold, on the other hand, is a tough one for me. We had two days in the low thirties...yes, below freezing is NOT my idea of good walking weather. Thankfully, we're back into the forties today. I think I'll deal with this one day at a time. Worst case, would it be horrible to take a week off if we have an entire week of cold...not really. Looking at the weather report, there's two days out of the next seven that dip into the thirties. I think I can ignore that and GO anyways. I don't like the idea of back to back days of freezing, possibly leaving the wet sidewalks icy. So I think the issue is ice, not the discomfort of starting my walk being physically cold (I soon get all warmed up as I walk). But for now, I'm good.

This comes down to CHOICE. I have to CHOOSE to get up. I've been choosing to stay in bed, but my HIGHER DESIRE is to GET UP. So last night, I made sure I had the right socks, put my shoes out, made sure my jacket was accessible and went to bed earlier, setting my alarm for 6:15am. This morning, though I didn't get up immediately, I DID take a great walk! I got out the door! YAY!

SALAD:
Last week I wrote down all my favorite salad ingredients in hopes of evaluating what's wrong. I don't like that the salad feels high maintenance! Every day I feel like I'm out of an item, which makes me not want to make the salad and I don't like having to spend so much energy thinking about what I'm going to run out of next.

romaine lettuce
spinach
chicken
celery
red pepper
red onion
snap peas
cucumber
garbanzo beans
sesame stix
sunflower seeds
fruit (craisins or fresh blueberries, which are now out of season)
salsa
salad dressing

The challenge is having the fresh items FRESH and not running out before the next trip to the store. I've decided to purchase bag-o-lettuce instead of fresh. My store RARELY has a good head of romaine, when then have any at all (they sell out so fast). This does help the fresh factor, I can buy a little "ahead" because the bags have the expiration date, letting me know about how long they'll last. So that takes care of the lettuce and spinach (snap peas come in bag, too).

Often, I'll run out of chicken and forget to prepare some ahead of time. Since I keep chicken in the freezer, if I don't plan ahead, I have to crack open a can of chicken, which is most unsatisfying on salad, in my opinion. Solution: cook up 4 chicken breasts, chop, weigh and put in ziploc bags in the freezer. When I make my salad each day, my job is to take out a bag of chicken for the next day (so it will thaw overnight). EASY. Now I have "fresh" chicken everyday and don't have to worry about it until I run out in the freezer. There's about 15 bags ready to go now. Perfect inventory control!

I've decided for the fresh veggies to buy organic. I could NOT BELIEVE the difference in TASTE and COLOR with regards to the (expensive) $5 red pepper. It was worth it! The celery I cut up and put half stalks in a container so that's the only item I need to chop before each salad. No more celery going bad because the pieces are all ready to go...no washing, just cutting each day. The cucumber...I cut up half the cuke into pieces and put the other half with the pieces in a container. Now I have pieces for a few days, but the other half of the cuke is still intact so when I'm ready for more pieces, they'll be relatively fresh since I didn't chop the entire cucumber when it came home from the store. Red onion lasts awhile, so I chopped up half and put in a glass container and wrapped the other half, hoping it doesn't get mushy.

Inventory control for garbanzo beans, sesame stix, sunflower seeds, craisins and salad dressing is not an issue.

By doing this exercise, I've discovered the reason my daily salad has failed in the past has to do with a couple key ingredients. By identifying these, I can get a better hold of what needs to happen to keep them fresh and ready for daily use. And since I've taken over the grocery shopping again, I really do have control and can plan trips to the store according to salad needs, if need be. YAY!

DRINKING MORE WATER:
Hmmm. This is more about actually DRINKING MORE WATER! I was using a daily tracking sheet and that helped me see how much I WASN'T drinking, I'll start tracking again today.

EATING LESS:
It is really exciting to me that eating breakfast and lunch are no-brainers. There's no temptation because I'm never hungry. I eat my bowl of Fiber One with coconut milk and one egg and then later, the salad. This gets me through until 4ish, when I need a snack. On hungry days, I have the snack earlier. We've been eating dinner around 6:30ish, so a snack at 4pm doesn't ruin my appetite.

Sunday Weigh-In 24

I've decided to stop weighing for awhile. Why? I'm not eating in a way that will encourage weight loss right now...I need to get back into my walking routine. I've had two days recently where I've overeaten, though not like I used to! Sunday Weigh-In is putting pressure on me that I don't want, so I'm putting it on hold for now.

Different Walk Today

I really felt today's walk. I started out about 10am at 55°F-quite balmy! I was looking forward to some heavy rain, but there was barely a moistness to the air...though the rain is officially BACK! It rained last night and the sidewalk pipes were running loud this morning. They say we've had the driest Aug/Sept/Oct in 65 years! I believe it, it has been marvelous!

It was good just to be out this morning. I did my normal loops but then at the top, I decided to venture another street. When I turned around, I decided my feet and ankles and shins were feeling it and I didn't want to overdue it and diminish my desire to walk again tomorrow. So I headed straight home, avoiding the loop around.

Well, I was surprised to see that it was over ONE MILE! That seems like a lot since I'm a little rusty. Encouraging. Can't wait for tomorrow. :)

My strategy has changed...I'm going to MAKE SURE that I walk both Saturday and Sunday because I can get up a little later and walk in the light. So I don't want to miss those days during fall. And I'm "beginning again"...I'm not going to think about food this week, just re-focus on getting out in the morning to walk and drinking water and eating my fiber. I feel fat. I can tell that the scale is going to reflect this feeling, so get ready.

Yesterday as I woke up, I had a thought (thank You Lord) about putting in a timer in my bedroom to automatically make the lights go on at 6:45am (it's so dark now)! Also the idea to put a desk where we have a bunch of boxes so I can do some word (Word) studies before bedtime.

Two Mile Walk

Here's a two mile walk. I'm wondering how long it would take me to do this and how much earlier I might have to get up...just wondering...

Back on the Horse Again

Image courtesy of TeddyBear[Picnic] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What happened to September!? I took three weekend trips in five weeks, finished a long-term project which involved driving to many different locations, my husband got a job offer and we considered moving (even finding a house), but it didn't work out in the end, not to mention our kitchen was updated with new counters and floors during this time and the house was powerwashed in preparation for painting anytime! My focus has not been on this blog nor losing weight!

The good news is that I've kept off TEN POUNDS since June-that's GOOD!

Thankfully, I can continue on! I walked this morning, extremely difficult to get up! It is dark outside in the morning now, grey and colder and soon to be wetter. I took a short walk...I have to finish before my husband needs to leave and with him leaving earlier, I have to get up earlier. But today, I was pleased to get out the door at all.

My focus today is WATER and SALAD!

Sunrise October 2012

Official sunrise is 7:23am. These are the days leading to darkness! I detest the dark days of October through Christmas...let the grey dreariness begin!

Sunday Weigh-In 23

This is where I was Sunday morning (Skagit river).

Sunday Weigh-In 22

Not surprising. No water, no walking, eating more calories.

Sunday Weigh-In 21

See my new floor?