I first posted on January 27, 2012...that's almost TWO YEARS AGO. Even though that seems like a long time, these two years have not been wasted, even though I'm still about the same as my starting weight. Not all is lost because I've actually grown in wisdom and good habits during that time, but that also means it is time to move forward and not stay in this place...I need to keep growing, or rather, losing! When I started this blog, I really thought I'd see immediate results and I would be documenting weekly weight loss for about a year, that this blog would just be a documentary of my shrinking figure. Oh my word, I had no idea what really needed to change was many lifestyle choices. I would say I've been successful in the way that I haven't given up, I keep striving to improve my efficiency in these areas, but not to the point of dying to my flesh the way I know I need to in order to see weight loss results.
Here's what I learned last year in 2012:
I learned a lot this year! I spent a lot of time WALKING and I've never done that before! I learned how to increase my fiber and eat a salad-a-day. I learned that I can reduce my cow's milk intake dramatically, decreasing the sugars I consume.
What I learned this year in 2013:
-My "bad fruit is telling on me". I am fatter than ever and everyone can see it! I've "lost" about two pounds. I'm utterly miserable in my plump state.
-If I want to influence people, I need to truly overcome and have good fruit in this area of my life. (LESS of me!)
-I did lose 12 pounds in May 2012 following the Lord's principles that He's given me-it works! What have I actually been doing the rest of the time? Thinking a lot about it all and not actually engaging or obeying my conscience. That tells me something important...I don't REALLY want His ways if I'm not surrendered in dying to my fleshly appetite. So I must ask myself...do I REALLY want His ways or not? This needs to be contemplated and acted upon. Am I going to move forward and obey His leading through my conscience or not? I already know the answer, please help me Lord. My ways literally lead to death and I don't want to do it my way any longer. I want to cooperate with you no matter how difficult it may seem right now.
-Half of this past year was spent "wrestling" with a diet that I never decided to DO or NOT DO, until now. I am NOT doing it and I'm relieved to realize I actually needed to make that decision and I've made it. In writing that previous sentence, I realized I needed to leave the Facebook group and I just did that, which will be very good for me. This diet that entered my life in July has been a major distraction...I never felt it was from the Lord for me to do, but I flirted with it a lot. It is not for me right now in my process. I'm really grateful for my friend sharing it with me, though, because it got me using coconut oil, which is just awesome! Thank you Lord!
-Tracking in general does not help me! (I love setting up tracking sheets for myself!!) I seem to do a lot better writing down "goals" and then being Spirit-led in each moment about reaching them. Tracking seems to put my focus on "perfection" rather than obedience.
-There are things I REALLY WANT TO DO and my weight is holding me back from living to my fullest desires. That just stinks!
-Buying brownie mix in bulk and having it at all times in the pantry "for special occasions" is too tempting for me!
-I've been looking everywhere ELSE "for answers" instead of dealing with what is right in front of my face. I've been checking out many different library books (I never read them) on dieting, looking online for before and after photos of others and enjoying weight loss being posted in the Facebook group I just left. Lord, I'm so sorry I have been looking outside of what you've provided for me, thinking I need something else or something more. There is no other besides You. I'm so sorry.
-I don't see drinking coconut or almond milk as a sacrifice, I truly prefer it over cow's milk, though I prefer to cook with cow's milk. The only reason for the move is to reduce sugar intake.
-Eating more fiber and salad and drinking more water has truly become a habit and lifestyle change that I don't see abandoning-ever. I can see how exercise, more veggies and water have allowed me to have a more active life these past two years because if I wasn't doing those things, I probably would have gained even more weight instead of holding pretty steady!
-The change from walking outside to using my rebounder (trampoline) inside has been a really good one for me. I'm exercising more consistently and more days per week (like EVERY day) and reaping benefits-I feel great and LOVE exercising this way. I do think my body misses the time outside for the little sun exposure I was getting, though. As I lose weight, I know I'll need to increase my activity, but for now, the walking has been sooooo good for me on many levels.
With regards to going through a process of learning to love sacrificially over the past three years, I see some contrasts to my process of losing weight and I want to document some specifics here:
-I obeyed immediately to every nudge to my conscience and I engaged in battling my flesh (I have not entered this kind of serious process with my weight yet)
-The Lord did not reveal "the next step", it was a Spirit-led process and every moment was surrendered (The Lord HAS seemed to reveal to me all the steps ahead of time. Knowing this has not necessarily made it easier to obey)
-I knew the Lord had all the answers I needed, I didn't need to look "out there" (In this process, I've spent the past months, "looking out there", when all I need is right here)
-I had no clue how the process would look and I thought it would take a lot longer than it did. (I had ideas about how this process would look, I expected to see fruit immediately and go through the process in a year).
Here's the facts:
-I haven't lost any weight since May 2012 when I lost about 12 pounds. I've gained back most of them. I'm about 227 and I started at nearly 230. That's not really an improvement on the scales, but I've made many good life changes in the past two years and haven't gained more over 227.
-For my health, I need to do this. I can't stay at 220+, I've GOT to get into a season of losing.
-I know if I obey, I'll lose (or WIN)!
I'm not going to make any big declarations here. I know what it looks like to be surrendered because I've experienced it in my process of learning to love sacrificially in my relationships. I want to apply that to my process here. There are a few important things I need to take with me in the days and weeks and months to come:
-I can no longer procrastinate...NOW is the time, there IS no other time, 2014 is year three in this process
-do I REALLY want His ways? If I love Him, I will obey Him.
-I know how to listen to the Lord as He speaks to me through my conscience, I need to join with Him and cooperate with His leading
-I need to engage in battling my flesh with the same intensity as I've done before, I will have to battle more than once for each temptation, but my spirit will get stronger while I weaken the grip the flesh has on me (this gives me a lot of hope!)
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