The past few days I've been wrestling with what I believe the Lord is telling me and what I'm willing to do. I've discovered something...I am not surrendered. As the months have gone by, I've become more propelled by my own strength. This has been a revelation and something I've repented of. The Lord WANTS to do this work in me...and I'm not cooperating.
So I started to delve into that and guess what? I don't want to die! I don't want to die to my flesh, don't want to take up my Cross, don't want to deny myself (whatever I want), don't want to not eat sugar, etc.
This is THE problem. And I've been thinking about it this week and crying out to the Lord to bring me to a point of true surrender. I am totally SICK of all this, I'm tired of not surrendering myself, tired of being fat, tired of being miserable in this struggle (of which, lately, I haven't struggled at all) and even thinking that this isn't the area He wants to work in-hello!?!
I was thinking back to the past two years and how much I've grown to know the Lord. And I've been thinking about what that process looked like...all this talking with the Lord and thinking about this brought me to realizing that in the past, I would connect with the Lord over each "incident" that required surrender. And over a couple years of going through this dying to my selfish ways day after day after day, He's done a huge work in me. And I began to see the parallel...there are many "incidents" each day when I'm tempted with food. I started asking myself, "why am I not connecting in these incidents in the way I was doing before when my self-centeredness would rise up"?
Yes, indeed.
So, today was a GREAT day! I know that these tempting incidents don't happen relentlessly, all day long. They come here and there-what a hope! But when they do come, I need to focus my attention on the Lord and surrender. I am in control of my faculties, I can NOT bring that item to my mouth and I can cry out to Him for help.
Today this happened only twice. And both times I was craving sugar after a meal. BUT NO SUGAR, non-negotiable, so this became an incident and He helped me overcome. This journey is about one little incident after another until one or two years is behind me. I made a new spreadsheet to help me simply track each day (instead of using the little books)...it is helping me see the next 365 days and how important each day really is.
The Lord is so good to me...He's told me what I need to do. And it really isn't difficult at all (when I'm surrendered)! When I eat my breakfast and then salad, I'm not hungry until about 4pm. And if I stay UNhungry, I don't have many issues, temptations or incidents (for the most part). If I keep walking in what He's told me over and over and over-every day, and dealing with tempting incidents that crop up in real time, and just keep going, that would be cooperating! And then my way is sure!
What encouragement I have today! What a turn-around! I no longer feel weary about tracking water or anything else...I'm actually quite excited. My focus is on SURRENDER and not the other things/tasks.
I did not even think to weigh this morning, so I think I'll weigh in the morning. :)
(This photo was taken earlier this week. I hate that half my face is CHIN! I hate that big tire around my middle. This is so not who I really AM anymore and I want nothing to do with it. What a wonderful day of surrender...and a step farther away from the fat that holds me back).
This is my favorite post, and a huge encouragement for what the Lord has been showing me in my own life. Thank you, Lord, for revelation. And thank you, Michelle, for being vulnerable in your documentation.
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