I haven't walked in two weeks. I've gotten into a bad habit of staying up late and getting up late...I stopped setting my alarm and now I'm trying to get back to walking. I set my alarm this morning and got up in time for a walk and to make a smoothie for my husband before he left for work. I'm drinking water and have my cereal bowl reading and waiting. Hard boiled eggs are in the frig. Salad makings are all ready.
I am miserable. Though the scale read 220 last week, I know I've gained weight. I am tired of this struggle. I want to surrender more. I'm holding onto dinner and I just want to release it. I want to die to my own selfish desires with regards to eating half of dinner. He's been telling me to eat half of dinner since last May. What a glorious thing it has been to surrender sugar, oh thank You Lord!
He is so good to guide me! I want to cooperate with Him and hold nothing back. I'm so quick to settle for less, half way, a little bit of surrender. NO MORE, Lord. I want this process you are leading me through. I want it ALL. I want to stop denying that You want to do this! I want to die to get it all, because You offer life!
So...
I've been thinking...each meal is an eating opportunity...breakfast and lunch are pretty much the same...I need to deal with eating half at dinner. Whoah, Lord how am I going to do this? I am in control of my faculties...I am ABLE to control what I put in my mouth (I have control over my fork), but often I am overcome with...LUST, desire, gluttony and wanting more for myself than I really need. I am TAKING.
I was thinking the other day when we went grocery shopping how I spend too much because I like to buy several of everything...for the pantry. Now that we've moved and have a big pantry, I want to stock it. I like having one (or ten) in the pantry so when I run out of something, I grab the backup and put it on the shopping list to replace. That's efficient, true. But I wonder if there's an attitude that needs to be uncovered...in fact, I know this to be true, but I'm not exactly sure what it is...please help Lord. I think this same attitude is affecting my overeating...taking more than what I need at the time. Yes! Lord I repent of taking more than I need, I do this in many areas of my life, including dinner.
Not surprisingly, this is about self-government, about dying to my fleshly desires. Lord, I surrender. I give this willingly to You and I desire to expose my flesh and desire You give it a death blow. Please free me!
I realize that each meal is an opportunity to cooperate with You. I want Your ways Lord, not my own ways (which reap death).
There are some practical things I can do...I could have a snack before dinner. I eat lunch in the afternoon and by 7pm I'm really, really hungry and I inhale my food. I'm not eating enough calories before dinner, hmmmm, it would be good to have about 200 calories for snack and 400 for dinner to lose weight. Lord, what snack could I have? OK, greek yogurt! I love the stuff! I also don't mind cottage cheese. Hmmm! What a new thought!
So I have weighed out 100g of Fred Meyer Greek Yogurt Vanilla. The plain is horrid, but OK in a smoothie. So this is a good portion, plenty. I could get it ready in the morning or lunch when I made my salad and have it ready for a 4pm or 5pm snack (we eat dinner late now that my husband's commute is longer). That works out to:
68 calories
8.5 protein
6 carbs
0 fat
5.5 sugars
0 fiber
Hmmm, that's only 68 calories...I could toss in a few slices of lunch meat. Yummy! OK, afternoon snack - here I come! If I'm not hungry in the afternoon (that salad really works!) I could have my snack WHILE I'm preparing dinner (instead of snacking on dinner preparations). This is really exciting!!!!!
Another practical thing, how to actually eat HALF? I've never done this successfully before. I could load up my plate like normal and scoop half off and not have seconds. OK, but I can see myself heaping that plate and then not actually eating half because I've put so much food on it.
How to do this Lord?
Ah! You answer my prayers! He is telling me to use a salad plate, serve up what I think I want (the smaller plate will limit the amount) and then scoop off half! I've never had that idea before, YES, I can do that! Thank you for the plan to get me started eating less, Lord. I want to govern myself SOON! Thank You for this practical thing to do. I'm excited to be surrendering this that You've wanted for so long. I'm glad to be doing it now, but sad it has taken me so long to do it Your way!
Since I'm going for weight loss, I'm going to need to do some daily tracking of calories so I can tell myself the truth (the Truth will set me free)!
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